Thoughts

What would it be like if my father had died from cancer 15 years ago?

I spent yesterday pondering time. I got an email from my dad about a charity walk he'll be doing this summer for breast cancer. He beat cancer 15 years ago, not breast cancer, but cancer.

I read that subject line on his email "Cancer Free - 15 Years" and I fell apart. I cried my eyes out. I cannot imagine who I'd be, where I'd be if I didn't have my father for the last 15 years. That's longer than the age of my eldest niece. Not one of my 6 nieces would have ever known this wonderful man if he hadn't made it. Hell, I might not have 6 nieces if he hadn't made it.

So many things could be different. They might have been better, or they might have been worse. I'd opt for worse, because I can't imagine life without my father as a good thing. At least not at the age we all were when he was sick. I know one day I'll have to live without him, but I can only hope it's when he's lived his life out to it's fullest and it's just time for him to go. It will be so terribly hard when it comes, but it would have been so terrible worse if it had happened when I was only 14, when my sister was 18 and my brother was 12.

It's just so hard to imagine.