Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Just for Fun

Sarah, you're an Alligator in the wild world of love.



See you later, Alligator. We won't be catching much of you around the singles swamp. You tend to lurk below the surface at some of the most happening and trendy scenes around town. Being the savvy prowler that you are, you give yourself adequate time to observe and calculate before you make your devastating moves. Once you've located your target, your slow, suave approach is enough to hypnotize just about anyone.

Sure, you might look tough on the outside, but you know how to woo a potential mate with soft strokes and tender words. To you, romance is a subtle dance and you're willing to take your time with it. You ever so skillfully develop your next cunning move that's always so impossible to resist. You've got the ritual of romance down to a science, don't you?


Sarah, you're less sinful than the average person.



Still, your sinful tendencies are running just below the surface and could start to affect your choices in life. For example, if you aren't careful, your relationship to what you consume may ultimately be your downfall. Beware of letting what you eat and drink take over your life at the expense of your health and well-being.

Though you're less sinful than others, this, and the other sins you scored highest on, can still jeopardize the things that are most important to you. Don't let them.


Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I Can

I don't want to be angry at my past. I don't want to remember him and get angry at him again. It's not constructive. It doesn't help me. It hinders me. I CAN move on.

I don't want to think about what I can't do because I'm not in good health. I don't want to think that I can't go for a hike. I don't want to give myself the excuse of it being too cold, too hot or too dark to ride my bike. I don't want to worry about my heart or my ankles. I don't want to walk hunched over because my knees are shot from too much weight. I CAN be healthy and strong.

I don't want to be in Accounting, HR or Payroll for the rest of my life. I don't want to be bitter and old calling companies for collections, wishing I had just gone to school and grown. I don't want to waste my intelligence. I CAN go to school and get a job I enjoy.

I can. And I will.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Wow... Breathe

I've never been so busy in my entire life! My 5 day Christmas vacation was NOT restful.

Right after work on Tuesday, the 21st, I drove to my sister's house to help her and my mother redecorated sister's daughters' rooms.

We painted walls, windows and doors, hung canopies, rearranged furniture and put in new pillows, curtains, blinds, chairs and rugs. It was hard work, but so worth it. The girls saw pictures of their new rooms on Christmas day and just about bust. They can't wait to see them in person. Pretty nifty Christmas gift if you ask me. :)

After the decorating we went back to my folks' house on Christmas Eve Day. With all the little girls running around, it was hardly relaxing. My honey showed up at about 6pm. I was so glad to see him. My safe harbor. My comfort zone.

We stayed the night and woke early to find the little ones wide eyed and excited that Santa had come. After the morning festivities of opening gifts and dumping stockings, we made breakfast. It was easier this year. I suggested we have fruit and home made pigs 'n blankets. Much quicker than cooking bacon!

Honey went off to work at noon and I stayed the rest of the day. Playing cards, watching movies and making dinner. It was good, as usual. And afterward we went out to see Christmas lights. I was going to head home but decided to go ahead and stay one more night so us bigger girls could go shopping on Sunday.

We headed out early to Target and then went to eat lunch. A little more shopping after that and then I went home. Finally. 5 nights gone can really wear a person out. I was so glad to be home, in my space, with my cats and my honey.

Needless to say, I slept like a log. It's so good to be home.


Friday, December 17, 2004

Chess Anyone?

Remember that wedding/Halloween party I went to? You know the one that sucked so bad I felt like ass for two days after cause my stupid ex-husband was there and all those people I don't like?

Yea, well, I had a party on the 11th of this month. It was a little, girl get together to talk about Cirque du Soleil, music, Christmas, men... whatever. So one of the women there is damnnear best friends with the lady that was the bride in the wedding/Halloween party. Let's call the bride Jaime, and the friend Sandra.

Anyway, so Jaime tells Sandra that Asshat(my ex) and his girlfriend have come up to her on separate occasions, since the wedding and told her that me and my best friend, RecursiveAngel, we're throwing rocks or pecans or something at their backs and giggling. *raises eyebrow* Excuse me? Are you fucking serious? Um... no.

So Jaime asks Sandra if she believes that to be true. Sandra of course comes to our defense and says "I seriously don't think either of them would do that." But neither of them can figure out why Asshat and GF would tell Jaime that. This brings the question to me and RA. Sandra asked us at the party if it happened and after I almost fell out of my chair laughing, I started shaking and getting REAL loud about how insane that is.

The next day I was calmer and thinking. "Why in the world would Asshat tell Jaime that? They aren't that close of friends. That just doesn't make any sense at all." And then it hit me. He's playing chess. He didn't expect to see me or RA there. He doesn't want to see me or RA. He went right to the source. The woman that threw the party. Her wedding.

Turn her against us Asshat, so she won't like us and won't invite us again, so you don't have to see us. Bravo.

I'd like to remind all of you that we've been separated for well over 2 years. Divorced for almost 2 years. Before the wedding, I haven't seen the man or spoken to him in almost that long. We don't even hang out with the same people.

It shocks me and angers me beyond belief that he still goes to great lengths to alienate me. He's clearly insane in thinking that he has had anything to do with me not coming around that circle of people anymore.

6 days out of the week I completely forget he exists. But it's always that one day, that gets my blood boiling again. That one day that I remember. That one day that I get angry all over again and angrier still that he feels he has had some sort of injustice brought onto him.

Wow. You are some piece of work. Asshat.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004


Our first Christmas Tree Posted by Hello

Our first Christmas Tree Posted by Hello

A Real Christmas Tree

So I have a boyfriend who comes from New Hampshire. He insisted that we get a real Christmas tree this year. Last year we didn't have one at all due to being super busy and not having the money to buy all the trimmings. But we made the effort this year.

Not only is it my first REAL tree, it's my first tree as an adult! We got to go buy all the ornaments we liked, and the star and garland. I've been bouncing off the wall for weeks waiting for the time to come to get the tree. I've been asking him all sorts of questions.

"How soon can we get one?" "How much water will it need?" And then at the tree lot I had comments "That one is too big" or "too little" or "too pokey"

We ended up with one that wasn't the softest, but wasn't the meanest either. We brought it home and I put on a long sleeve shirt and some gardening gloves and started wrapping the lights around it. He sat on the couch and put hooks on all the little bulbs. Then I started decorating it while he directed me when he saw a blank spot, or a spot with too many of the same color.

It was fun to say the least. I love our little tree.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Ramblings

I've got most of my Christmas shopping done. And today I got the wrapping paper and bags that I'll need for all of it. I tell ya, it sure is hard not to get all that expensive cute stuff that matches. I suppose if I didn't have to buy for so many, and it was just one or two cute presents, I could afford to do that. But I figure, the paper is hardly noticed anyway, especially by the little ones. So I got the big roll for 3 dollars. That should take care of most the presents. I had to grab a couple of bags for some pillows I bought my two oldest nieces. It's not easy wrapping pillows. Might as well just throw them in a decorative bag.

I have four more items to get. I sure am thankful that not only can I afford to buy things for my family, I don't have to hawk crap anymore to do it. I tell ya, that ex of mine sure was a piece of work. He spent every cent he could on crap. Material BS to fill the hole in his soul. And of course it never was good enough, and there always had to be more. More, more, more. We were always juggling something, pawning things, borrowing money from friends and family. I got financial freedom when I kicked his ass out as well. It took me a little while to get back on my feet, but within a few short months I was pretty on top of my bills again. Of course this was over 2 years ago, so things have been straight for a while. But it always blew my mind that we collectively made plenty to take care of what we had, and yet, we were always broke and struggling. I have less now than we did then and I'm way better off. Anyway, there's plenty of other things I have to worry about, and I'm really glad it's not money anymore.

I was pleasantly surprised this past Saturday when I got on the scale. I don't normally do this. I'm not obsessed with weighing myself everyday and freaking out about 5lb fluxuations. I think I step on the scale once every 6 to 8 weeks. For most of the last year and a half it's floated around 225. Sometimes on a "good" day it was 220. But it hasn't been under 220 in over 2-ish years. Well it was about 217. A little hard to tell cause those lines between the "5's" are miniscule. But I went around all day feeling as if I've lost 7lbs, and proudly announced it to those who would listen. Not the stranger at the grocery store, but family and friends. So for the first time in almost 2 years it was under 220. In the middle of the Holiday season too, I might add. I've yet to hop back on it. I don't want to burst my bubble. :)

My beginner BellyDance class graduation dress rehearsal is this coming Saturday. I've got the dance down pretty good. It's far from perfection, but what do you expect from beginners anyway? The graduation is on the 18th. I'm looking forward to moving onto the next class. And I'm only slightly nervous about our little "show." See about 3 years ago I took a class for about a year, and we did two shows. So this is old hat to me now. I know what to expect, and I know I like it, even if it does make me nervous. It's always a good time. I think it's funny that in class our teacher always reminds us to smile. I've figured out that I don't have to practice smiling in class, cause I can't keep a big ass grin off my face when I'm in front of a bunch of people shaking my ass. It's just too damn fun to not smile. :D


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Dreams

Some of my most favorite dreams are the ones when you have residual emotion for the whole day after you wake up. I find it very interesting that some dreams can be vivid enough to effect your awake state of mind.

I've had two of these this week!

Most of the time, for me, these dreams are good feelings. Leaving me happy, excited, or even flirty and saucy. But sometimes they are icky feelings. Like sadness or just a general bad funk.

Bad funk dreams always come from me dreaming about my ex husband. He weasels into my dreams and even tho I may triumph over the situation in the dream, I'm generally left with Ex-Funk all over me all day. That's the one I had last night. So I'm kinda icky today.

The one earlier this week was much better. :) I felt flirty and saucy all day, and it was great. And no you can't have any details!

Anyway, I'm not nearly as funky today as I've been in the past. It's probably the cold weather and Christmas music. :D