Monarch Butterflies

Every fall the Monarchs migrate from the northern US to central Mexico. Well that is if they are east of the Rockies. If they are west of the Rockies they migrate into southern CA. But the bulk of them make the journey to Mexico.

This generation of monarchs lives much longer than the generation born earlier in the year. The spring generation only lives 4 to 6 weeks. But the fall generation lives 6 to 9 months!

If you look at migration paths you'll see that they funnel into Texas and down into South America. I'm fortunate enough to live right in the middle of this funneling path and get to see the migration.

Only two years in my past have I noticed the migration. Perhaps some years they are more abundant than normal, or less abundant. Or maybe they don't always cross over my area of North Texas. Or maybe I've just been too wrapped up in my own life to notice them.

But this year I have, and it seems to be the most abundant group I've seen in my life! They were so thick this morning I couldn't count them all. I started to count just to get an idea of how many I might have seen, and in a 1/2 mile of travel I counted 50. That means I easily saw hundreds this morning. Hundreds upon hundreds. :D It was incredible!

Just one more thing I always forget about the fall that I love. Monarch migration.

Copyright © 2003, Jim Cline http://www.jimcline.com/

Wow-Blog Slacker

I have 3 blogs I need to write. I think I’ll back date them so it’s a more even flow. Be sure to read down a few if you wanna see them!

Fall

It got “cold” in the last couple of days. I think fall is officially here now. And I’ve been bit by the bug too. All the stores are full of Halloween decorations and pumpkins. I’m seeing people in turtle necks and jackets. I had to get out my close toed shoes too. hehe.

I’m so ready for the end of the year. This is my favorite time of year and I’m geared up for it, excited and ready for turkey and Christmas! WOO!

Walking

This past June my dad registered and walked for the 3-Day walking marathon that travels the country for and benefits the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation. He has been cancer free for 15 years now and felt it would be a great thing to do to celebrate and help women all around the world with his collected donations. (Altho he didn’t have breast cancer hehe)

Anywho, since his walk, he and I have discussed doing it together next year. They’ll be in the Dallas area in late October 2006. At first we decided against it, thinking we might not be able to raise the mandatory donation amount on our own since we’d be hitting up a lot of the same people for donations. But when I saw him at Honey’s party he looked at me and said “Let’s do that walk.” :D

It motivated me. I’m excited about it and I want to do it. But it also fueled a greater desire. I suddenly wanted to walk! I want to train for this big event and in doing so get to the point where I can walk without my ankles hurting. I want to do other marathons and events throughout the course of the year to gear up for the big 3-Day. I want to do this so it becomes a normal routine for me, a hobby and an exercise regimen so I’m healthier and feel better.

I’m gonna do it! I found a great website for walkers with challenges and a message board full of other walkers who are great encouragers. I’m going shopping for a new pair of good shoes to support my arches. That’s what I need to keep my ankles from hurting. :D

WALK ON!

4 Day Weekend

About a month ago Honey and I planned this 4 day weekend to go to San Antonio to visit Sea World and see other SA attractions. i.e. The Alamo, Tower of Americas, River Walk etc.

Then the hurricanes hit. Miss Katrina and Rita. When we heard about the evacuations for Rita and heard that some people may end up in SA I immediately thought “Crap! We’ll need to book our hotel room to make sure we can get one.” Before I was done saying it my brain started to say “Well that’s terribly selfish.” So I quickly followed up with the second thought. Honey and I decided to cancel our trip so that folks that NEED a hotel room can have one, and we won’t be taking up a room so we can go on our precious vacation.

We went ahead and kept the vacation days we had planned though because it was Honey’s BDay weekend and there were plenty of other things we could do. :D

Last Thursday we had massages scheduled. We went to the same place and got massages at the same time by two different people in rooms next to each other. Hehe. It was fabulous. We went home in piles of happy goo and did nothing for the rest of the day.

On Friday we went to Six Flags! It was open in the evening for Fright Fest. There wasn’t anyone there! And the weather was fantastic. We didn’t have to wait in lines and rode a couple of the coasters multiple times. It was a great time and a perfect night to go. One of the “ghouls” jumped out and scared me as we darted from one coaster to the next. Heee!

On Saturday we laid around most of the day and then went out for the official BDay party. We went to Dave & Busters to eat yummy food, drink good drinks and play arcade games. Lots of people came too! My parents, my brother and his fiancé’. One of my brother’s girls and my best friend and her man. (you’d think it was my party, but Honey knows and likes all these people too. :p) Anyway, it was a great time too.

On Sunday, Honey and I did nothing. Watched TV and played World of Warcraft all day. Pretty perfect Sunday.

So the 4-Day weekend was a success, and although we didn’t make it to Sea World, I think we made up for it pretty well. I know I had fun!

50 Years Ago

The Good Wife’s Guide
Housekeeping Monthly 13 May 1955

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper etc. and then run a dust-cloth over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home later or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

Unwarranted Indeed

I'd just like to follow up my last post.

Now that we've survived the weekend, I'm glad to report that it never rained and was only slightly windy on Saturday afternoon.

But thank god our gas tanks are full and every store within a 100 miles has zero water and bananas.

(you could cut that sarcasm with a knife)

Unwarranted Hysteria

They say the population of the Dallas/Fort Worth area will increase by about 1 million people by Sunday.

I-45 has been a parking lot for over 24 hours.

People are waiting in lines at gas stations and grocery stores for at least 30 minutes, closer to at least an hour.

Fuel stations are running out of gas.

Grocery store shelves are bare of milk, bread, water and more. My mother said that daddy exclaimed "Where's all the bananas!?" at Wal-Mart last night.

Hotel/Motels are booked solid. Reports are that the nearest vacancies are in Oklahoma.

I've yet to see any of this first hand, but I gather I will before the weekend is over.

Miss Rita isn't going to hurt us one bit. The masses of people will. And the panic of Dallas/Fort Worth residents. It's like the freaking apocalypse down here. Meanwhile, we'll have a nice breezy thunderstorm over the next 2-3 days.

It's insanity. Just as outrageous and irrational as people get when we get a freeze and all the milk and bread disappear from the grocery store shelves. As if we'll be stranded, frozen in our homes for weeks and weeks. *rolls eyes*

This is just silly. Everyone needs to just calm the hell down. And have some sympathy for those who have to come here from the coast. Leave some damn water and bread for them!

Old Friends Renewed

Within the last few months I've had the opportunity to get in touch with some friends from long ago. Some of them were able to find me, and another I've found myself as well as reaching out to a friend who I only hear from once every several months or more.

Lets start with Cory. Cory moved to my home town when we were all in 4th grade. After 8th grade he moved to another town in the area and spent his 4 years of high school away from us. We kept in touch through part of our high school years, but as things go, we eventually lost contact. One of his best friends during middle school was a guy named Shawn. Both of these boys ran with me and my best girlfriend and after Cory moved away, Shawn and the two of us girls still hung out. Shawn and Cory never lost contact after he moved away and not too long ago they were having a conversation about me and did the general "I wonder what Sarah is up to and where she is..."

So Cory took the only number he had, my parent's number and tried it. It worked, because my brother lives where that phone number rings and Cory left a message. I got a call from my brother and he said "Dude, check this out" and played the message. I promptly jotted down Cory's cell number and called him.

About two weeks after our initial contact we went out to see a band together and have a drink. It was a good time. It was nice to see him again and I genuinely am happy that we've found each other again. On that night we went to a bar, and one of the bartenders is the brother of another old friend of mine named Cassie.

I took a leap and asked him to give her my phone number. He did that and also gave me her cell number.

Cassie was my bestest girl friend during my senior year and several years after high school. Without getting into all the details, I basically lost contact with her due to my ex husband and her ex boyfriend. Young minds are easily influenced by asshole boys and I was persuaded to sever ties with her. Unfortunately I had a young mind at the time and let her go.

She and I have played phone tag the last week and a half, but last night I was able to get a hold of her and we gabbed for almost an hour. We easily cleared all the old dead weeds that had cluttered our path to each other and were giggling girls like I had seen her yesterday. With squeals and wiggles, we ended the call with "I love you's" and we'll be seeing each other very soon.

Cory and I saw each other again last Sunday for lunch and Shawn came along too. I was just as comfortable and happy with the two of them as I was 15 years ago. Altho I think they aren't quite as comfortable. They can't seem to grasp why I have a man who doesn't mind if I go out for lunch or to a bar for beer with other boys! Hopefully they'll get over themselves. :p

To say the least, this feels fantastic. I can't wait to see Cassie, and I hope to see those boys again soon. I may actually have the basis of a small circle of friends again!

The only thing that can make this even better is if my Honey and R.A. like these people too. :D

…………...

I’m a baseball fan! But it’s Halloween, so *GRRRR!!*

I’m a basketball fan! But it’s Halloween, so *SNARL!!*

I’m a football fan! But it’s Halloween, so *ROAR!!*

Those might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.

Ahhhh...

Work is so much nicer when I'm not running around like a crazy person trying to get caught up with 2 month old data because of the stupid new system implementation. Can you say, run on sentence? That's how I talk tho, so that's how I type.

Anywho, for the first time in about 3 months I haven't stressed over what I have to get done at work. I don't love it and I would certainly rather be somewhere else, but I don't HATE coming here anymore.

It feels good to know I can come in, get several things finished for the day and go home stress free and feeling accomplished.

School is nice and easy too. We have small reading assignments and journals to write, but it's pretty simple if you can interpret what these old philosophers wrote. Hehe

My life is calm again, for the time being. I hope it remains this way through the rest of the year. I don't wanna panic again until our next annual audit at work! I'll keep my fingers crossed. ;)

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In other news
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My sister has been assimilated into the blog world. I dunno if she’ll keep up the posts, but I hope she does. You can visit her brand new blog at http://utahbound.blogspot.com/

And no, she isn’t yelling, I just can’t get her to stop typing in all caps. :p She writes in all caps, and generally does whatever the hell she wants to do, so if you wanna read her blog, you’re gonna have to get over the caps. Painful as it may be.

Later!

Two Weeks Later

Man! I suck. Time flies by too fast some times. I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since my last post. I can hardly remember what has happened since.

Mostly work and school, but I did have some fun over the Labor Day weekend. It started pretty crappy but got better. I was supposed to have Friday the 2nd off but there was so much to do at work, I came in anyway.

Between a tantrum while stuffing envelopes and violently faxing papers, my boss told me to go home. I had only been here about 2 1/2 hours. He said he didn't care if I got everything done on Tuesday, we'll just take it as it comes and I should leave. So I did.

It took me the rest of Friday to shake off my bad past 3 months of work funk, but by Saturday morning I was good to go. I loaded up some clean panties and a tooth brush and went to my parents' house to hang with them. My sister and her two daughters were already there and the day was filled with shopping, crafting and giggling.

I stayed the night on an air mattress in the living room. When I woke the sun wasn't quite up (normal) and daddy was sitting at his computer playing a silly game and watching Bonanza. He gets TV on his 'puter. I got up and we sat in his office talking quietly over Bonanza, making up our own dialog. It's hard to try and laugh quietly. When it was over we sat on the porch and watched the world wake up.

Soon everyone was awake and momma was making breakfast. We ate and loaded up the car to head to my brother's house for swimming, grilling and playing with his 4 daughters. I got to see ALL of my nieces. :D We played in the pool for hours and ate yummy grilled kabobs and corn.

Dad and Tory

Sammy, Hannah, Aly, Paige and Mom

Abigale

Sammy

When I got home Sunday night, Honey was crawling around under my desk trying to figure out why my PC wasn't working. The power source went bad. So with some tech support from Dell we got a tech scheduled to come fix it. (it's under warranty) I actually just spoke to Honey and the tech called while we were talking and was on his way.

But I digress. Monday, Honey and I spent all day together. We got out of bed late and went to lunch out. When we came out from lunch my car wouldn't start. That battery went dead too! So again with the warranties, I took it to the dealership. Long story short I spent too much time and too much money, but my car is working again and all is well.

It was an eventful holiday weekend. Some parts were great and some were not so great, but now that my head is well above water at work, I can look back and feel good about the little extra time I was able to take off.

My Evil is Showing >;)

There is this turn I have to take to get to work. It's the kind that has two left turn lanes that go into 3 lanes on the crossing road. For some reason, people don't know what to do with this, even though there are dotted lines painted for guidance. Most people who turn here cut diagonally across the intersection and end up in the two left lanes on the crossing road.

This isn't how the lines are painted. They are painted so that you are to end up in the two right lanes. Every morning I turn from the farthest left lane, hoping to end up where I'm supposed to, in the middle lane of the new road. But no, every morning the yahoo in the other turn lane, cuts me off, forcing me into the far left lane and hogging up the middle lane. It makes me nuts.

So this morning I decide to turn from the other lane and do it properly, ending up in the far right lane. This nuts-o behind me rushes through the intersection, turning into the middle lane, forcing the other lane into the far left and then darting in front of me in the far right.

At first I thought she was just being a pushy wench and then I figured out she just wasn't paying attention and screwed up. She kept looking at me in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were darting around and I just knew she felt that "oh crap, dumb traffic move” feeling. I've had it, it sucks.

So we proceed down the road and she makes a turn, and I turn. And her eyes are there, staring at me in the mirror. Meanwhile, I'm just staring right back at her, perfectly still with no emotion on my face, sunglasses on. I imagine I look like the Terminator. She turns again, and I turn.

Then she turns again and again I turn. At this point I know she thinks I'm following her. She slows and turns into my work complex (3 large buildings all connected by parking lots) and almost stops. I'm pulling in behind her. She speeds up in the parking lot and makes a hard turn behind the 1st building. I work in the second building, so I cruise on to my normal parking area and get out and go into work.

That poor girl thought I was gonna hunt her down, confront her or fight her, for cutting me off in traffic.

It felt good. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Belly Dancing

I was in my 4th show last night. The first one I did was about 9 months after I started dancing. 6 months later we did another one and that was the last time I danced for about 2 years.

Last summer I took up new classes and we had a small “beginner graduation” after 6 months, which moved us into Advanced I. So last night we had our first Adv. I show and it was just as fun as the rest.

All total I’ve been dancing about 2 ½ years. And up until this point I haven’t had the drive to work harder and move into the higher class and possible consider soloing at some point. But something happened yesterday. I was inspired, or aware that I’m good enough or something. I also realized I do have a great desire to do more, learn more and be better.

So instead of dancing once a week in class I think I’ll start working a bit harder. I’m going to get out the choreographies I have copies of that we have to learn to test out of Adv. I. I’m going to work on them and learn them and test out. So come Christmas, instead of doing another Adv. I routine, I’ll do an Adv. II routine, or god help me a smaller show with me and a girl or two that we work out, on our own.

I’m finally ready to move on. I figured this day would come, when I was brave enough and knew enough to feel confident. Now that it’s here, I’m excited and can’t wait to see what happens.

Maybe R.A. will get out her shinies one more time and dance a routine we know at Christmas. Just the two of us.

Another Adventure

Despite all my whining and moaning over the past few weeks, I got over myself and registered for the regular Fall semester. I start classes week after next on the 30th, and will continue until December 15th. I took another morning class, but this time it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I registered for Intro to Philosophy. I'm looking forward to it and hope to learn some new things. It counts as a liberal arts credit, which is another I need on the long list of basic courses. So we'll see how it goes. I expect to do just fine in it. I think my confidence is a bit boosted. ;)

Onto other things. On Sunday I'll be belly dancing in my 4th show. It's almost old hat now, but that doesn't mean I'm not nervous. The teacher put me in the front row, right in the center! I assume that means I know what I'm doing, which is flattering, but I still feel like I'll stick out like a sore thumb. Thinking on it a bit more, I'll probably be the one least watched. The ladies that will be noticed will be the ones not doing it right. :)

Work has also backed off a bit and I'm able to breathe a bit better. I still don't think we're completely over the implementation hump, but damn close. I've been able to send out invoices and pay bills, which stops phone calls and eases my stress.

I think Fall will come along and I'll calm down and relax. Settling into classes and easier work and preparing for Christmas! :D

Hooray for Fall !

I's Smart

Course/Section and Title: HIST-1302 7501 Hist U S
Grade: A
Term GPA: 4.000

Foul Mood

Man, I just can't seem to pull out of this. Sure I have highlights, see the post below, but overall, I am in a foul mood.

So school is over for now and I can't muster up to desire to get into the fall semester. That sucks. I should go, and I don't want to. 2 classes down and suddenly I have zero motivation.

Work is somewhat better, but not completely and I hardly care. I'm so burned out I don't give a crap if I get my work done or not. I just want to stay home in bed.

I just scheduled a bit of time off in September, but what I'd really like to do is never come here again. 3 more full weeks of work is going to wear me down to a nub before I can take a 4 day weekend. And then what? I'll come back for 3 weeks and hate it all the same and then take another 4 day weekend.

It's a double edged sword. Work has be so worn out I don't have energy or care to do it, nor do I have energy or care to go to school. If I don't go to school, I'll never get out of this hell hole or any other job like it.

I hate it all and I don't want to do anything.

Not to mention my house. If you read my very first blog here you'll see the things I wanted to get done around the house. That was last October. They still aren't done. I have a bathroom with no wallpaper and a kitchen light fixture I paid a hefty dollar for that's laying in my closet.

There's recycling stacked up to the porch ceiling that needs taken away and my bathroom houses a laundry monster. Albeit clean at this point, but it still lives in baskets in the bathroom.

The carpets need vacuuming, the dishes need cleaning and I should probably move the 4 or 5 soda cans from the top of my desk. There are papers, mostly useless, piled all over the "dining" table.

I think I'm gonna flip out.

System of a Down

Two words. HOLY CRAP! That was an awesome show.

I acted like a 20 year old, broke a couple of laws, danced my ass off and got really drunk. So drunk, it's 11am the next day and I can still feel it. I'm in hangover hell and I don't care. It was worth it!

And obviously, if you read my blog from the past couple of months, I needed this.

We arrived at about 7:45 and by 9:15 I was on my 4th beer and the band was coming on stage. I screamed till my head hurt, pounded my fist in the air and had a good hard headbang/body pulse going for a straight hour and a half.

My legs hurt and I kept going. My voice weakened during screams and I kept pushing. Every ounce of built up stress I forced out as hard as I could. And when they went off stage I screamed till the lights came on.

Even in the parking lot I kept whooping and hollering and we listened to the album again on the drive home and I sang and danced as best I could in the car.

Possibly the best concert experience I've ever had. I'll see these guys again every time they come through.

From the Straight Jacket

.mjgcxddsunpl., vf vbewdcverbnio;, b vv dcfvhnbj7

4 Down, 2 Days To Go

A bit late on this post, but I wanted to wait until I had my 3rd test score. I got another 96. Honestly I thought I had done worse than the others, but apparently I knew more than I thought I did. I also turned in my paper last night. I'm not worried about it and I'm not worried about the last test on Wednesday... tomorrow. I have no fear that I'll be keeping my 4.0.

The test score was a shining moment yesterday. I wish it had come earlier in the day, but I'll take what I can get. Work sucked. It was only Monday, after a restful weekend, and by 5 o'clock I had a knot in my stomach so big all I could do was break down and let the stress overwhelm me. I cried again. Quietly in my cube so no one would know. This happened a week or so ago too. I hate it. People aren't supposed to cry at work.

We're STILL working in data to get the new system going full force. It's about to make me loose my hair. I won't be surprised if I get a few grays from this. All I can do is keep hoping the end is in sight. And hope I don't completely fall apart in the process.

At this point I think I am gonna skip the fall semester. I have no desire to continue pushing on at this moment. I'm afraid it'll drive me insane. All I want to do is stay home and do nothing. I don't want to have anywhere to go or have anything to prepare for.

We'll see. My next post may be from a straight jacket.

3 Down, 2 To Go

Only two weeks of class remain. 2 more tests and a paper will happen before next Wednesday.

I made a 94 on my second test, so the A is still secure. I also wrote the rough draft to my paper this past weekend. It is due tonight. It's total crap, but I still have time to improve before I turn in the final paper.

In other news, the last two weeks I've spent Friday nights riding my bike with Honey and my dad. We've biked about 13 miles each night! I presume it'll be a regular thing cause we're getting together again this Friday. It's fun. :)

I also have a belly dance show performance on the 21st. I've got to finish putting together my costume for that and practice the steps a bit. We'll be going over it and over it the next couple of weekends in class though, and I've pretty much got it down.

I spent all day yesterday at my brother's house. We played hard in the pool, with the kids. I wore myself out. I wanted to stay in bed this morning, but alas, the stupid work implementation is still going on and I've got too much to do to take a day off.

Rest and relaxation is in sight... I hope.

2 Down, 3 To Go

Well week 2 of class was about the same as the first. Busy but interesting. Work is letting up more now too. We're almost completely cut over to the new system and the auditors are now gone.

I passed my first test with flying colors, as they say. A big 'ole 96. I imagine the next test (Monday) will be the same. Or I hope it is. If I study the same way, I don't see how it could be worse.

I need my weekend to be relaxing, but it's not going to be. Honey and I are meeting my father tonight after work for a bike ride. I have a feeling when we return I'll collapse and not rise until late in the morning. Then I'll be off to class to dance and after that I'm going to lunch with R.A. We're going to relax in the pool and after that I plan on spending some time in game. (World of Warcraft)

Sunday I plan to go to my brother's house for more swimming, but at this point I'm not sure I will. I think I'll make that decision when I wake up on Sunday. I'll have to spend the morning studying (3+ hours) if I plan to go there in the afternoon. So if my motivation is hiding, I may not make it out there.

As of right now all I can think to do is sleep. Maybe I can take a day off next week.

1 Down, 4 To Go

Well I somehow made it through last week without dying. Heh. *drama queen*

My 12 hour days have turned into 16. The system implementation is still in the works and I'm working half in the old system and half in the new. I've got 10-15 phone calls about past due payments that I can't send because I can't print checks... or at least I haven't been able to the last 2 weeks. I'm hoping to get some out this week.

The auditors had us running around like crazy people again all last week and one of them is back today. I already have a task to complete for her.

I had 4 full 2 hour classes last week. We covered a chapter or more each night. My first test is tonight and I spent 3 hours yesterday preparing for it.

This week doesn't look any easier. But we're 1 down, 4 to go. I look forward to this weekend coming already so I can go soak in my brother's pool with the kids and relax.

*still treading water*

As a side note…. Aunt Flo tore into the driveway about 7am this morning, made her fat ass comfortable on my couch and started hollering for pork rinds and beer. >:(

The Adventure Continues

School starts tonight. I've fretted and whined and moaned to R.A. and Honey. They volley back words of confidence and truth. I know I'll do fine if I have the motivation and put my mind to it, but my fear is the motivation.

I procrastinate and cut corners whenever I can, or at least when I'm not passionate about something. So I'm not sure the surge of passion will come with this class. All I can do is hope that it does, or hope that I pay attention enough to keep my 4.0 for the next 5 weeks.

I'm mostly worried about being tired. I'm exhausted when I get home from work, and now I have to go to class at 8pm till 10pm. I'll be beat!

Anyway, it starts tonight. We'll see how sour of a mood I'll be in by the end of the week. That is, if it can get any worse than it already is.

Implementation and Audit and School, Oh My!

Lots and lots to do. Work is very busy right now with a new Accounting/MRP system implementation plus an annual audit. Not to mention normal course of work, plus the month end duties and payroll this week!

We've been in system implementation mode for many many months now. In a nut shell, the project managers suck and we're way behind. I've busted my ass and bitch and moaned and baffled at how badly the wheels have fallen off of this project for weeks and weeks and I'm literally burned to the wick. I'm so worn by it all I just really don't care anymore. Eventually it will work itself out and hopefully we'll be able to make some sense of this circus and move forward. In the meantime, I've washed my hands of it as much as I can.

It's also annual audit time. Actually we're about 6 months behind, but they are here now and we're in full swing. I've been scurrying around all morning gathering files and binders of data, printing reports and explaining processes to get things moving in the right direction. I just unloaded a bunch of data on the 1 person who is here doing this audit. I like to call it a paper bomb. Give them what they ask for and then some and it'll keep them busy most of the day.

I need to make sure payroll gets in smoothly this week. We had a few changes, so my brain gets to work some numbers, more so than normal. Certainly not difficult, just one more task on my plate. One more responsibility. But hey! That's why they pay me.

I'm hoping most of this extra work is done and out of the way by the end of the week, because next Tuesday I start school again. It's only 5 weeks for the second summer semester I enrolled for, but the class hours are tough and I'm going to be beat down by the end of it. My "me" time is going on the back burner for the next 5 weeks, and honestly, I've never done that before, so I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.

I just keep telling myself that it's only 5 weeks. :) Piece of cake. I hope this teacher is as easy as the last one and I keep my 4.0 with no problem. I'll know next week!

*trying to keep my head above water*

New England

Last week I visited 4 states I'd never been to before. That brings my state visit count to 24. Almost half the country! :)

Anyway, we took a vacation to New England to visit Honey's family and friends and to give me an idea of where he comes from and see all his old stomping grounds/schools/homes. It was quite an informative trip for me. Different than any other vacation I've been on.

We flew into Boston MA and picked up a rental car. We drove straight west to a town called Springfield. It's a decent sized town, so you'd see it on a map if you looked. Honey's brother was in the area for a friend's wedding so we met him there with Honey's folks and spent a couple of days visiting, site seeing and they reminisced about the area. A town called Ware is near there and that is where they lived for a while and Honey was born. They also lived in another town near there called East Longmeadow.


Bridge of Flowers - Massachusetts

Coming from Texas, it was difficult getting used to Massachusetts. Trees line the roads and you have to turn left if you want to go right and vise versa. Well, that is if you CAN turn left. I'm glad we didn't spend the whole week there, I was getting frustrated. :p You can't see anything and you can't make U-Turns. Crazy!

We then drove up into Vermont and spent most of the day site seeing and enjoying the scenic byway we took. It's interesting to see how old the towns are, and the cemeteries. Considering that is where the English first settled, it's the oldest part of the country and I hadn't seen those things before. Alot of the buildings are close to the road because they were dirt paths for horses initially. And the roads wind around alot more. Other than the weather being hot and humid, Vermont was very nice and very beautiful.


Quechee Gorge - Vermont


Old Cemetery - Vermont

The next stop, and the last few days of our trip was spent in New Hampshire. This is where Honey spent most of his life before he came to Texas. We went to his parents' house and ate dinner with them again, and spent a couple of other days visiting some of his friends. If it hadn't rained so much we could have seen more of the White Mountains, but alas, the clouds were thick and the rain was cold so going up to the summit of Mount Washington and hiking out to some of the water falls will have to be done on the next trip. We were able to see one waterfall and it was worth it!


Glen Ellis Falls - New Hampshire

Along with learning more about Honey and where he comes from, I learned a bit more about New England. The old Grand Hotels are beautiful but also, to me, a sad story. Apparently there aren't many left because when the automobile was invented, there wasn't much need for large central gathering points for the wealthy. So most of these old hotels went out of business and have since been torn down. There are a few left and we briefly visited one. It's the Mount Washington Hotel. It made me wish I was there 100 years ago with a fancy ball to attend with a big beautiful dress and white gloves and a handsome gentleman waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs! It was quite a flashback in time and still as beautiful as the day it was built, I bet.


Mount Washington Hotel - New Hampshire

Another tid bit I picked up was that the white birch trees were apparently perfect for sail boat masts. And if I remember the history, the king of England declared that any white birch, 24 inches or larger were property of England and they were to be cut down and used for these ships. I'm guessing there was a price on these trees as well, so anyone who brought one down would get paid for it. Therefore, today, it's probably safe to say that there are virtually no white birch trees that large. It'll be a handful of years more before the smaller ones at that time they were being cut down are large enough to be desirable for ship masts. But of course by that point, they'll most likely be left to flourish. :)

The day before we came home we drove up the coast of New Hampshire and into Maine to see the ocean. It was windy and cold but wonderful. We walked out to the water and watched the waves roll in for a few minutes. It's been along time since I've experienced the smells and sounds of the ocean. It makes me feel good, and I'm glad we stopped there. We then drove up to a nearby lighthouse called Nubble Point and watched the waves crash in on the rocks. That was wonderful too!

Nubble Point - Maine

All in all, I can easily say I had a great vacation. And I look forward to our next trip up there. We'll plan to go in the fall or winter so I can see the beautiful trees change and all the snow!


Honey and Me - York Beach - Maine

*Pant* *Pant* *Pant*

Honey and I are going on vacation next week. We're leaving Saturday actually. I'm looking quite forward to it, and after this week of things to do, I'll most certainly need it!

For one thing, someone I work with is out this week on his own vacation, and I get to do his job along with my own. Everyone knows that getting loose ends tied up at work to be gone, always makes for a busy week. Add someone else's job to that and you're down right out of control with stuff to do. I'm beat. It's Wednesday and I'm completely spent.

Then of course there is the billion and one things running around in your head to prepare for at home. Things to buy for the trip, things to pack, remember to do this and that and send emails with itineraries, and give keys to friends to take care of things while you are away. And if you're like me, you'd like to come home to a clean house, so there's laundry to do and things to clean and straighten and vacuuming.

I'm real ready to be on that plane about now.

If you're curious, we're going to New Hampshire. That's where Honey is from and he's not been there in 2 years. He packed everything up and moved to Texas to live with me and hasn't been back since. I get to meet his folks and brother and some of his friends, and see Mass, Vermont & New Hampshire by car. :) It'll be wonderful.

Rude!

So I'm standing in the lobby waiting for the elevator and it dings and opens. Out of the way, I patiently wait for the 4 people on it to leave so I can climb aboard.

"Blah blah blah... blah. blah. blah." As they exit taking their SWEET ASS TIME, almost stepping on me and as they finally get the hell out of the way the doors are almost closed and I have to hit the damn button again.

I try REAL hard to always be aware of my surroundings and the people that may be there. Anywhere. If a person is in my line of sight, or I hear someone behind me, I always take note that they are there and do my best to not hinder them.

This doesn't mean always stepping out of the way, or letting people just walk all over me, it just means being conscious of others.

My honey has a wandering space that is much larger than mine and doesn't always keep tabs on others. I notice it alot in the grocery store when he's standing in the middle of the aisle staring at the soup completely unaware of anything around him because suddenly he's got nothing on the brain except SOUP. So a person rounds the corner with their basket and I feel I have to move him because he's completely oblivious.

I know everyone has different personal spaces, and not everyone's mind works the same. Some people can't do anything if they aren't focused completely on one thing. Honey is like this. And I don't mind it, nor do I think what he is doing is rude, because I know he's aware enough to do things like process the elevator door opening and think "I should stop talking now and focus on getting off the elevator and out of the way of anyone trying to get on."

But those stupid self absorbed people today were in the damn way and never even noticed I existed. And I'm a big girl, and I have on a pink shirt! Not real sure how I could be missed.

To Blog, or Not To Blog…

Lately, I’m having a hard time thinking or having things to blog about. I’m not the sort of blogger that writes EVERYTHING that’s going on in my life. I don’t really feel it necessary to spill the guts of all my inner most thoughts or things going on around me. I could blog for days if I wrote about my family, but I just don’t feel its right to blab all their news. I know its good therapy to journal, but I shared this page with several people I know and being that it’s not anonymous I don’t feel its right to share everything. And now I’m rambling.

I haven’t had the energy to come up with a good witty blog. I guess part of the problem is that it would feel fake. Like a magic trick.

“Here! Look at all this fun wonderful stuff going on over here”

*waves hands around to distract*

In reality I am happy and fun things are happening, but those things just aren’t things I want to write about. And the things I do want to write about, I don’t really want to share with folks I know. Sorry guys.

So, that leaves me to the not very well maintained blog. Perhaps I’ll find the balance soon and be able to blog more regularly because I do enjoy it!

They Grow So Fast!

My youngest niece is 3!! She turned 3 yesterday. One of her older sisters will be 4 next Thursday and the next oldest turned 5 in March and the oldest oldest just turned 7 on the 13th!!
Spring babies. Tons of them. But I digress.

Sammy is 3 and damnit she's cute. I called her last night to wish her a Happy Birthday. Her daddy (my brother) put her on the phone and she said,

"Hewo?"

I said, "Hi Sammy! It's Auntie Sarah!"

She said, "It's my birfday!!"

I said, "I know! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! How old are you today?"

And she said, "This many"

HAHA! I heard my brother laughing in the background and heard his voice get louder as he came back to the phone. He said "She's holding up 3 fingers."

I can't wait to see her on Sunday. It'll be a dual Birthday Party for her and her almost 4 year old sister. Sweet babies!

HEEEEE!!!

Firstly, been too long since I posted... blah blah blah... busy, not much to say... blah blah blah.

Secondly - the reason for my blog.


Course/Section and Title: PSYC-2301 7001 Intro to Psych
Grade: A
Credits: 3.00

Term GPA1 4.000

That's right boys and girls. 10 years since I've been in school, went back and got a big fat 4.0!

*takes a bow*

Holy Crapoly

My list of things to do at work is LONG. 37 tasks and 7 calls to return. I don't normally make a to-do list, but today I was feeling overwhelmed. So I took the time to write it all down. I'll dwindle it down to a reasonable list by the end of the week I'm sure. But man am I busy!

I'm busy with things to do in my head too. Mostly money related. It seems that on top of needing to save for my coming vacation, about 12 other things that need to be paid for hit this month and next. It's almost all car related. I need an oil change, alignment, registration, inspection and a new headlight. Honey lovingly picked up a replacement headlight yesterday, but I'll need to install it before the weeks end so it will pass inspection.

My hair needs cutting, which is happening tonight, but that's another 20-ish bux gone. My virus/firewall protection software expires this month, so I'll need to renew that this week as well.

I have 3 nieces to buy presents for next month. My best friend's B-day is next month as well, and honey and I are planning a trip to Six Flags.

I also need a couple small cavities filled that I've neglected far too long. They don't hurt, so I forget about them. Not to mention an annual exam. I have good insurance, but there's still the co-pay. I paid 20 bux out last week for my foot appointment. (Which btw turned out fine. I'm just flat footed and need arch supports.)

I already had my recurring bills mapped out with a schedule of savings for our vacation, but I'm gonna have to do some serious juggling to work all of these things in. I have a feeling with all of this hitting (that I didn't plan for) I won't be able to save quite as much as I hoped.

Needless to say, I'm stressed, and I'll be stressed until we leave for out trip.

Oh! I forgot. I registered for a new class at school too. That's another 100 plus whatever the books will cost.

This is all easily 500 bux I bet! Stoopid money.

I did relieve a bit of stress yesterday by doing much needed laundry. I think I got about half of it tackled. I took the day off to rest, and because I had a killer headache that wouldn't go away. Came on Sunday when I woke up and didn't leave till this morning.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Even with my 37 items "to-do" I think I'll float the next 20 minutes of work and happily bail out to go get my hair cut. :)

Foot Doctor

I was born with my feet turned in. Apparently I was formed that way because of my position in the womb. So if you're like that in 1975 they slap shoes on you that point out and are connected to a bar and after a while you're feet are straight like normal.

That happened to me. Don't remember it 'cause I was all done wearing them by the time I could walk.

I've never had a problem. Ran track in grade school and middle school. Walk straight, wear normal shoes. My legs are straight. If I didn't tell you I was born twisted, you'd never know.

When I was about 12 I remember my folks saying something to me about my feet leaning in, but just at the ankle. My knees don't bow in, just my ankles. They said "Maybe you should try and pull your ankles up straight and walk that way." I remembered to do it for about 5 minutes and then it flew out of my head.

In about 2000 I went on a hiking trip. Me and the guy I was with headed out to hook up with the other campers but got there real late. After hours and at about midnight. We decided to hike out and try to find their camp using the map we had. I think we finally gave up at about 2am. It was mostly uphill and to say the least, I wasn't a big hiker, plus I weighed almost 200lbs. My ankles burned so bad I'd never felt pain like that in my life. The next day I could hardly walk, but as the weekend went on it got better so I went out on a walk with some other folks and it didn't take long for them to start hurting again.

Ever since then if I walk long distances, consistently and am in bad shoes my ankles start hurting the same. I figured it was just weight and being out of shape but now I'm starting to wonder if there is more to it.

I recently got a good look at myself in a full length mirror from behind and man my left ankle REALLY leans in. The right one does too, but not as badly. I can't help but think these things are all related.

I'm overweight, I was born twisted, my ankles hurt when I walk too long and they visibly lean in. I also find myself standing on the outsides of my feet when I'm barefoot, probably to subconsciously relieve pressure, even tho they aren't hurting.

I also dance and sometimes in class if we've done lots of moving around with little scooting steps my ankles just burn up and I find relief in standing on the outsides of them.

Needless to say in the last month or so I've really become aware and concerned, even though 99% of the time they don't cause any problems. But I can only imagine it getting worse with age, especially if I always weight as much as I do or heaven forbid, put on more weight.

So I opened the yellow pages (www.yahoo.com) and found the nearest orthopedic doctor to my home. I have an appointment Wednesday morning. After he tells me to loose weight I hope he has some more insightful information about my situation.

More Work...

...than any one person can handle.


AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!

I Love My Honey Because...

...he tucks me into bed every night.
...his heart envelopes more than I can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to stop and smell the roses.
...he encourages me.
...he is able to express true appreciation for nature and beauty.
...his heart envelopes more than he can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to call me down when I've crossed the line.
...he knows how to play.
...he knows how to support me in decisions I may make.
...he cares about our health.
...he makes efforts to better our health.
...he sees the light that shines inside me instead of my dress size.
...he cuddles with me on the couch to giggle or squeal at movies.
...he shares chores with me, even after our long days at work.
...he sings beautifully.
...he likes my family and understands their importance to me.
...he isn't afraid to show me his feelings, no matter what they are.
...he makes me laugh.
...he makes himself laugh.

...he will read this and come to me for a hug and a kiss
and an "I love you too."

Thank you, Officer

A few months ago I had highlights put in my medium brown hair. I liked it and had it done again, but it's been a few weeks and the roots are showing. So yesterday I stopped and picked up a red dye and figured I'd cover over, have some lighter red highlights and be good to go for a bit longer.

Yea, it took. It took real well. My once blond highlights were now BRIGHT ORANGE. I looked like I needed a few piercings, a Circle Jerks t-shirt and skate board. It was WAY too drastic and bright to work in an office. It was actually pretty fun and cute, but like I said, not good for cube work.

So I got up early this morning and ran down to the Wal Mart to get a dark brown dye for damage control. I had one thing on my mind and blew past an officer doing 52 in a 35.

Naturally he pulled me over. I knew I was wrong, I figured I'd get the ticket, pay it and go on with life. I've only gotten pulled over 3 times in the last 15 years. It sucks, but it's been a while and I should have been going the speed limit!

Anyway, he took my license and insurance and was in his car for about a minute. He came back only holding those two items and said "You were going 52 in a 35. 17 miles over the limit is a $250 ticket and 2 hits to your license. There’s lots of coyotes on this road and you could hit one of them. You also have a clean record, so I'm giving you a warning. Slow down."

"Thank you, Officer."

Oh, and my hair looks pretty good. :p

Spring Time

It's coming. Well, at least in Texas it is. I think it's already here actually. I've seen tulips in bloom and trees are flowering. We had 2 'cold' days this week that sent us all into shock, but its back up to 60 and the sun is shining!

This is my most favorite time of year. The wildflowers here are incredible. It's nice to see the geese flying back in and hearing all the little birds chirping.

The whole world seems to come out of its hiding places. Festivals start and outdoor sports. People in parks, having picnics and playing with their kids.

I carry my camera with me everywhere I go this time of year, because I always seem to see something that's beautiful. Everything is so crisp and colorful, the sun shining bright and the sky is blue blue, so so blue!

The Fort Worth Main Street Art Festival is next month. They block off the whole road and put in booths of art. It's great fun to wander around and browse. Eat roasted corn and listen to great music. Last year we stood and watched an African Dance troop hop around on stage with what seemed to be endless strength and energy. All the while, munching on our roasted peanuts.

The Renny faire comes around next month too. I'd say that's my favorite place to go. The shows are good, the food is great and the shops are just fun. I always end up with some trinket to display in my home or an item to wear to the next faire.

Gallery Night is a neat event. Fort Worth puts together a night where all the art galleries in town open their doors, put out cheap wine and food to nibble on, so folks can wander into off the wall art shops and coo over beautiful pieces. Most of the galleries that participate are on a strip of road that could be walked if you wanted, but it's easy enough to cruise up and down the block and stop in where you might find things of interest.

This is the time of year that most people, including myself, get motivated to open their windows, throw up the blinds and air out our dusty dark living spaces. Things get de-cluttered and the kitties get to go out on the porch and lay in the planters. The AC/Heater doesn't get turned on because the air is so refreshing and perfectly warm or cool.

This is the time of year that it almost feels sinful to spend a Saturday indoors. So go outside people! Soak in the sun, and breathe in the fresh new smells of new life.

You'll certainly find me out there! :D

West Texas Sky ~ www.josiahdavidson.com

Massage

It's been too long. Or it had been too long. I figure it had been at least 9 months since I had one. I've needed one for a long time. My shoulders and neck get tight and knotted up. I wake up in pain every morning, unable to bend my head down without feeling a hard tight pull of pain all the way down my back. Well yesterday I had had enough. I woke up feeling terrible. A tension headache spider webbed across the back of my skull. My sinuses clogged and aching.

I almost called into work sick, but came in anyway. After a short discussion with my boss, he told me I should go if I'm not feeling well. So I picked up the phone and called my massage therapist and got an appointment for later in the afternoon.

By the time I got there, my headache was gone. I'm glad I didn't have to get a massage with a headache. That's never fun. Anyway, he got to work on me and I let him beat me up pretty good. He's extremely strong and can really dig down deep and work the tension out. He also does stretching and spine popping. He'll grab my leg and twist it and bend it and pull it all around. Throw it over my body and the side of the table, pulling it hard to stretch out my hip, then push to pop my back. He does serious pressure point work on the base of my skull. That almost always puts me to sleep. It's incredible to say the least.

I'm sore today. But only from all the work he did. I'm not tense. Just tender. I'll be drinking my weight in water today, so hopefully I can wash all the toxins he worked out of my shoulders, out of my body.

I'm not waiting 9 months to go again. 6 weeks tops. I want to get a follow up massage that's not as intense and then after that, I'll go when I feel the knot tightening in my shoulder.

I always forget about the general relaxed feel I get after seeing him. Not a muscle relaxation, but a mental relaxation. I always enter into a mind set of less stress. I don't seem to get flustered or worked up over things at work. I don't feel hurried. I generally just don't care so much. :)

He does awesome work. *sigh*

Season

You Are Fall! Thoughtful, Expressive, Creative, Poetic, Smart What Season Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Still Healing

Next month I will be officially divorced for two years. I'm still healing. I've had several dreams as of late with him in them. Some scary, some weird, some okay.

I had one last week that scared me. I was out somewhere with some friends (or so they were in my dream - none of them had faces) but the feeling of the dream was that I was out with my friends and I was feeling free and new and in a state of realization that I was completely free of him and he had no control over me any longer. Then he suddenly appeared and although I don't remember exactly what he said to me, the idea of it was that he could take me away and keep me locked up and under his control and I'd never be free of him.

After I woke, it left me feeling very trapped all day. That perhaps he could do those things. Just crawl out of the woodwork and suck me back into The Pit.

Then this weekend I had another dream about him. I was at what was supposed to be his mom’s place. She was there and so was he. Most of the dream seemed like she and I were talking about the whole situation and how Randy was taking it, and although he was there and could probably hear us, he wasn’t responding. But he wasn’t being a dick either. It was like she and I were discussing how he was hurt about it all and hoping he’d get over it soon. (Me kicking him out and divorcing him) He came and sat next to me with a guitar and an amp and wanted to show me how he could play. It was like he was a troubled teen and she and I were the grown up’s watching him act like he was okay, but knowing that he really wasn’t. Part of it was me talking to her about hoping he’d get over it soon so we could be friends again and he wouldn’t hate me. I was wearing my wedding rings too.

Weird thing though, I don’t think the way the dream was pictured is what it was really supposed to represent. I think that he was symbolizing the chunk of me that is still funkified by him. That he (or that piece of me) was healing, by coming to me and sitting with me to play the guitar. That I was talking to his mother, but that symbolized me talking to myself, and feeling sad and pity for that hurt part of me that I want to hurry up and get over it and heal.

Because I don't want to be his friend or ever speak to him again, but I do want to be over it already. I want to stop being angry at myself for letting him do the things he did to me. And angry at him for doing them. I want to stop blaming myself for letting myself get into the shape I'm in, and acting like it was his entire fault. And I want to get over all of those same things and stop blaming him for what he did to cause me to be the mess that I am. Bah, that's all so hard to verbalize.

Regardless, I'm so incredibly done. I was done years before I married him. I was done months after I married him, and I'm still done years after I've divorced him. It's exhausting. When will it finally be clean, clear and gone?

The Brain Test

I love these little quizzes. :p

Sarah, you are Left-brained



Most left-brained people like you feel at ease in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and linear, analytical ability. Whether you know it or not, you are a much stronger written communicator than many, able to get your ideas across better than others.

It's also likely that you are methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math, particularly algebra, which is based on very strict rules that make sense to your logical mind.

The Kitchen Project

My parents, over the years, have spent time and money redecorating/modeling their home. This is the home I spent my whole childhood in, so it's been around a while and has seen many different designs.

Some rooms are seriously outdated and neglected where as others are quite beautiful and hip. In 1970 something or the early 80's they tore down a wall that semi separated the kitchen from the living room. I always thought this was a great move. It gave the inside a much bigger area to live in.

A hand full of years ago they bought new couches and stones to rework the hearth. They bought new light fixtures and fans too. All in the style of Frank Lloyd Wright. It looks great.

The kitchen however was redone in the early 90's I think and hasn't been touched since. The cabinets are white, but the doors are light blue. They finally got a new oven and dishwasher that have a modern black and white look, but never replaced the counter top or fridge. They are both still Harvest Gold, circa 1975. Mom has the standard chicken and duck country kitchen crap hanging in a few places, and some fake plants here and there. They hate it, but their bedroom needs just as much love, and Mom wants to do that first.

So they're working on the bedroom for now and probably won't even think about getting to the kitchen for at least 3 years. This is where I come in. And my sister.

My folks are going on vacation to Italy for their 35th wedding anniversary next summer, '06. I talked to my sister about maybe trying to get them on a TLC show to get their kitchen redone. After much discussion, and not wanting to chance being picked, we decided to do it ourselves. I've been fishing information out of Mom about what she might like "when they get to it" and she's been quite unaware of my intentions and full of great information. It's easy to talk about right now too, since she's in home makeover mode for the bedroom.

Sister and I know she already likes Tuscan/Mediterranean style. She' s made plenty of comments in the past about "wishing I had a kitchen like that." We figure Dad is just along for the ride, and won't be opposed to the style either, so we're just gonna go for it.

We've discussed colors and what we need to do. I think the only thing we won't be able to upgrade is the cabinetry, and I know Mom really wants new cabinets. But I think once we're done with the makeover, she'll be good to go with what she has. New hardware, paint and fancy finish should be sufficient. But considering they'll be getting a new fridge, counter top and mosaic backsplash I don't think she'll complain.

Sister and I had already discussed putting up a mosaic as a backsplash. But while I was fishing info from Mom the other day, she said "I'd love to mosaic the backsplash." :p We were dead on.

We're also looking into getting new dishes as well. I even bought a new painting for one of the walls and a new utensil jar to go next to the stove. We'll be picking up trivets and putting in a cute wrought iron mosaic table and wrought iron chairs.

This all sounds so very involved and expensive, but guess what? We're doing it over the next year and a half. We should be able to buy most of the bits before we're ready to put it all together, and we'll try and get a credit card at Lowe's or Home Depot for the fridge and counter. I know we can do this. We WILL do this. My parents deserve this, and it will be a wonderful 35th wedding anniversary present for them to come home to.

From Italy itself to their brand new made over Tuscan style kitchen!

Oh, and my Brother is a certified pipe fitter. He won't have any problem removing the sink and replacing it so the counter can be installed. ;)

And another PS! While fishing info from Mom, I found out they want to be gone on this vacation 2 to 3 weeks!! That will give us plenty of time to do it. :D

Ask and You Shall Receive

I looked at my boss today and said "Is it too late to request a day off?" And he said "For when?" And I said "Tomorrow hehe" And he said "Yes, it's too late" and continued to give me grief for asking. And of course let me stew on it for a couple of hours and then said "Is there anything pressing?" And I said "No, nothing that can't wait until Monday." And he said I could have the day off.

So now I have a sudden 3 day weekend! And I have things to do as well, and I'm going to try my very very hardest to be productive AND relax for the next 3 days.

1. I get my first take home test from class tomorrow. It's due Monday, so I'll have a test to do this weekend. No problem.
2. I moved into my "new" apartment unit 6 months ago and all of my nice work clothes are still in the damn box I moved them in. I HAVE to freaking organize and hang them up. Period.
3. I have a few items to return to Lane Bryant. The credit to my bank account is needed, so I must do this as well.
4. The house is a catsty and needs vacuuming and general straightening. Meh, we'll see. :p
5. I have a date with my best friend on Saturday to go to a BEAD show!!! I hope to spend most of Saturday shopping for beads and then hanging around my place gooing over what we just bought and make new jewelry!
6. I will be attending 2 Belly Dance classes Saturday morning. Once a student moves onto the next level of class, they can attend any previous level class for free! There is a beginner class at 10am every Saturday, and my class is at 11:15. I'm going to take the opportunity to dance for 2 hours because I love it so much! It's great exercise and it'll only enhance my dancing skills! FUN!

It'll be a good weekend. I'm looking quite forward to it!

Ink Blot Test

Sarah, your subconscious mind
is driven most by Peace

People who have unconscious minds driven by peace tend to be independent thinkers who often prefer to live by their own high personal standards and moral code.

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.

You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Lethargy

When I left home this morning I felt down. On my drive to work I could feel my mood seeping down into that quiet concealed place. The place I go when I'm depressed. It's a very strange feeling. Being quite aware of the depressed state you are headed to, knowing there isn't any reason to be there other than physical chemical imbalance. I don't even like to call it imbalance, because for me, it seems natural. Its part of the menstrual cycle for me. Even though I don't feel this way every month, when I do, it's always before my period.

The span between these days is farther apart than it's ever been. I can honestly say I think I've had 3 or 4 periods since I felt this way. Which in my world can be around 6 months. I don't like this feeling at all. The best way I can describe it is imagine yourself sitting on the sidewalk, on a city street while it's raining. You've got your knees to your chest and your arms wrapped around them. Not because it's cold, but just because you feel like sitting in a little ball. Your lips are pressed to one of your knees and you're just staring at the curb. And if you don't have one, you'd feel better with an umbrella or rain coat pulled over your head so you can just try and disappear from the world.

That's how I feel. It's a quite place, but some what comfortable. I don't really pay attention to who's walking by or what anyone is saying. Fortunately for me, I know I'll want to get up when the sun comes out and skip down the street. Alot of people in the world don't ever get up. I suppose that's why I don't mind these days too much. Cause I know they'll go away. I suppose that's what keeps me believing that I'm not a manic or severely depressed person. Those people can't see the light. But I always can, even if I don't want to pay attention to it today.

I normally treat myself pretty bad on days like this where food is concerned. Comfort food, as they say. But it's never comforting. I've had 2 meals today and both of them came from fast food joints. I feel terrible at the moment. I feel like crawling under my cube and sleeping. I wish I hadn't just eaten what I ate. It'll probably give me a headache before too long.

I wish days like today were the only days I ate like that. I'll never loose the weight I'd like to loose if I keep feeding my misery(?) with fast food.

That just made me think of something. I wonder if my bad food habit is directly tied to my ex and the issues I still harbor with him. Or the issues I still harbor with myself concerning my relationship with him. I do feel a subconscious current running through those thoughts and habits alot of the time. I should try and break that tie. I'm sure on some level I eat that way because I did when I was unhappy with him.

However, I've never had a good diet, even though I was thin as a child and teenager. Perhaps it's an older issue than I thought.

Too tired to keep thinking on it now. Maybe I'll go have a cookie.

Feelings and Sensations

I've not blogged in a week. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. No life lessons or epiphanies. No specific outings. Just normal everyday life. Which I suppose is a really great thing sometimes. Although it doesn't leave much to blog about.

I did have a thought the other day that I wanted to delve into and elaborate on here. I wanted to post pictures along with it, but I'm at work now and don't have access to those pictures. But I feel like typing, so I'll just go on and perhaps post a photo or two later.

My thought was sparked by something very odd. It's been raining alot here lately and when I leave work it's normally dark. Well it seems the street lights near my work are particularly bright in color. The red is VERY red and the green is VERY green. What I noticed was how incredible these colors look reflected off of the wet streets. It's so incredibly vibrant that as I'm sitting at the light, waiting for it to change, I almost melt into the color of red. It truly sends a feeling of peace and contentment over me. Like the whole day is just washed away and I can take a deep breath and just marvel at the red and green.

I know that sounds insane, but I really don't care. It makes me happy. So I was starting to thing about other things that make you take that deep breath and just live in the sensation. Places, things, smells. There are so many things we all like that makes us happy or feel good, but there are very few things in particular that really make you stop and take it in. And I think that is different for everyone.

One thing I thought of, along with the brilliant red and green lights, that makes me gooey, if you will, is clean white new socks, or a clean fluffy towel. The warmth from the dryer is soothing, and the smell of the detergent brings your senses to life. I love the feel of clean white new socks on me feet. Enough to stand and stretch my toes, wiggle them around and press them into the ground. And if you bury your face in a warm clean towel and take a deep breath, it's almost better if you just let yourself fall back on a bed. It's so completely soothing.

Another thing that popped into my head when I was digging deep to find those particularly special things was a place. I've been to this place twice. And although I've seen alot of amazing places in my life, this particular place is just that much more breath taking. It's called Muley Point in Utah. It's near Valley of the Gods and Monument Valley, off of a dirt road that takes about 10 minutes to drive down. You are literally driving to the edge of a massive cliff you've just previously spent climbing up, out of the Valley, on a switch back road. There are no man made structures or parking lots. No tourist booths or railings. You drive out to the edge, if your little car can handle it, then you get out and you stand on what seems like the edge of the world and just..... gasp at the grandness of it all. It's absolutely incredible. Of course words and pictures cannot describe the feeling you get from this place.

Both times I've gone there I've been with only the people that were in the car. No others were there. It's so hard to find places that haven't been tampered with, but this is one of them and it is amazing. I hope it's always this way. I hope no one ever tries to tame it or regulate it or sell bullshit near it.

Anyway, I've gotten off track. This place gives me the same feeling as those red and green lights, or as clean socks and towels. I would have to say the feeling from this place is more magnified, but it's all the same.

Three Things

3 Names You Go By:
Sarah
Aunt Sarah
Nadi

3 Screen Names You Have:
Nadirah
Nadilya
DMS

3 Things You Like About Yourself:
My Wisdom
My Intelligence
My Humor

3 Things You Dislike About Yourself:
My Weight
My Bull Headedness
My lack of willpower in certain areas

3 Parts Of Your Heritage:
Scottish
Irish
American Indian

3 Things That Scare Me:
Loosing my Honey
Loosing my job
Being incapacitated in the hospital

3 Of Your Everyday Essentials:
Music
Laughter
Hobby Time

3 Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
Tennis Shoes
Blue Jeans
Black Shirt

3 Of Your Favourite Bands/Artists at Present:
Dave Matthews Band
Rage Against the Machine
Alanis Morissette

3 Of Your Favourite Songs at Present:
Right Through You – Alanis Morissette
This Love – Maroon 5
Seek Up – Dave Matthews Band

3 Things You Want To Try In The Next 12 Months:
Wow… I honestly don’t know

3 Things You Want In A Relationship (Love Is A Given):
Friendship
Honesty
Loyalty

2 Truths And A Lie (No Particular Order To Keep You Guessing):
I’m 5’8”
I’ve had teeth braces
I’ve been to Switzerland

3 Physical Things About a Love Interest That Appeal To Me:
Eyes
Facial Hair
Hands

3 Things You Just Can't Do:
Produce Semen
Travel Back in Time
Fly

3 Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
Making Jewelry with BEADS!
Belly Dancing
Playing EverQuest 2

3 Things You Want To Do Right Now:
Go Home
Blink and have my work done
Make a new character in EverQuest 2

3 Careers You're Considering:
Clinical Psychology
Psychiatry
Photography

3 Places You Want to Go On Vacation:
Great Barrier Reef
New Hampshire
Grand Canyon

3 Kids Names (Either Boy or Girl):
Hannah
Tory
Paige
Aly
Abigale
Sammy

3 Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
Dive the Great Barrier Reef
Swim with a Humpback Whale
Swim with a Manta Ray

3 People Who Have To Take This Quiz Now:
Meh, I’m not ordering anyone around.

Selfish

Or, learning the balance of selfishness.

I believe that treating yourself well is extremely important. Even to the point of being somewhat selfish at times. Certainly nothing over the top, but perhaps choosing the bigger brownie when there are only two left is an okay thing to do.

I've been selfish. I've been extremely selfish since my exhusband moved out. I spent over 6 years catering to his every need. I was forgotten. I was neglected to the extreme maximum. By myself and him. So when he was no longer in the picture I started living life for ME.

I've realized now that alot of the time that just gave me license to be a bitch. To be pushy and bossy. I'm certainly not a horrible person, but I could definitely use some fine tuning in this area. All of that is over and done with. It's time for me to close the door completely, grow past it and start treating people, in particular the wonderful man who is now in my life, with a little more respect.

Some days I feel like I treat him the way my ex treated me. I've become what I hate. I'm speaking to extremes here of course. It's the underlying dynamic that needs work. Personal internal work on my part so that my actions and motives will morph into what I would like them to be. And what Honey most certainly deserves.

Anyway, my point is the selfishness has been catered to enough. It's been almost 3 years since he moved out. I treat myself very well. I give myself a Belly Dance class and a college class. I treat myself to material things from time to time. I eat better and dress better, for me and no one else.

That's plenty. The attitude needs shifting.

Thoughts

What would it be like if my father had died from cancer 15 years ago?

I spent yesterday pondering time. I got an email from my dad about a charity walk he'll be doing this summer for breast cancer. He beat cancer 15 years ago, not breast cancer, but cancer.

I read that subject line on his email "Cancer Free - 15 Years" and I fell apart. I cried my eyes out. I cannot imagine who I'd be, where I'd be if I didn't have my father for the last 15 years. That's longer than the age of my eldest niece. Not one of my 6 nieces would have ever known this wonderful man if he hadn't made it. Hell, I might not have 6 nieces if he hadn't made it.

So many things could be different. They might have been better, or they might have been worse. I'd opt for worse, because I can't imagine life without my father as a good thing. At least not at the age we all were when he was sick. I know one day I'll have to live without him, but I can only hope it's when he's lived his life out to it's fullest and it's just time for him to go. It will be so terribly hard when it comes, but it would have been so terrible worse if it had happened when I was only 14, when my sister was 18 and my brother was 12.

It's just so hard to imagine.

A New Start

I took a big step toward changing my life this weekend. It's scary and exciting and a great big deal to me.

A few months ago I ordered my old college transcripts from the couple of years I went to school right out of high school. My GPA was crap and I was put on Academic Probation pretty much every semester. However, I did, miraculously, manage to rack up a few credits.

So I took that info to the University I'd like to go to later for my Masters to see if they'd accept these old credits, and they will! While I was there I saw an advisor and she helped me see what the base level credits I still needed and showed me how to match them with my local community college classes.

Long story short, I've got several credits I still need to complete the base level for a Masters in Psychology. So Saturday I went to the local Community College and registered for one class!

I'm a new student! I start on Wednesday. My classes are MWF at 8:00am - 8:55am. I can run to work after class and then stay till about 6:30pm. :D Not too shabby. I'm taking Intro to Psych. It'll count toward the base level credits I need, and it'll also give me an idea if I'll enjoy the major I've chosen. Hehehe.

I'm so excited!!! :D:D:D

Brain Dump

This is sorta old news, but it’s still an issue that’s floating around my head that I’ve not quite figured out how to deal with.

2 months ago, wow, exactly 2 months ago today, I went to my 10 year high school class reunion. I blogged about the outcome of it already, so I won’t rehash, however, I didn’t mention anything about this one particular thing that happened.

I attended the reunion with my honey and my best friend since 3rd grade and her honey. She and I have been friends for over 20 years now and when we were still in grade school there was this other girl we were friends with. The 3 of us were stuck to each other like glue. We did everything together, always. In and out of school, we were quite the trio. This third person, lets call her Mandy, and the girl I’ve been friends with forever can be Sandy.

Anyway, Mandy’s childhood was tainted because her mother has a terrible case of OCD - packrat style. The woman never threw anything away. People weren’t allowed to go into Mandy’s house, and they couldn’t even open the front door all the way. It’s actually very terrible and sad. Well this leads me to the reason Mandy lived with Sandy for a short time. They had to move. The city came and made them leave the house and during that time, Mandy went to live with Sandy. I believe they lived together for about a year. Well, this was all during our solid trio, so them living together was pretty awesome for the two of them.

Okay, so there’s some back story. Here’s a little more. Mandy is cookey. She’s silly and crazy and fun. Sandy and I loved her dearly, but as kids do, teased her about being so silly. We occasionally called her retarded. And we’d all laugh and go on about our business. You know, being BEST friends and doing EVERYTHING together for YEARS. Laughing, playing, confiding, and getting into trouble. You name it.

So, years pass and we grow up and just as things happen, Mandy didn’t quite click with Sandy and I anymore. So the trio became just two. Mandy went on to make new friends, as did Sandy and I, but Sandy and I still hung out together. Life goes on, blah blah blah, Sandy and I see each other every few months, we hear about or see Mandy and how she’s doing a few times over the last 10 years and BAM, here we all are at the reunion.

Sandy and I didn’t expect to see Mandy. It was a bit strange, but a pleasant surprise I’d say. That was until Mandy introduced us to her husband and in front of our men, said “Yea, these are my “friends” (she said with quotation finger motion) that emotionally scarred me by calling me retarded all the time.”

What?! Are you serious?! Sandy and I were stunned. Mandy laughed it off, and candy coated the rest of the conversation and evening with mock niceness. Does she really think that? I understand that a lot of the time, as children, we do things that hurt other people and don’t even realize it. But I’m having a real hard time with this one. I honestly cannot believe that the few times we said that to her, emotionally scarred her life.

And this is where I get angry.

1. I’ve seen Mandy several times since we graduated. Also, we continued to go to school together for several years when we weren’t “best friends” any longer. Not once have I ever heard her hint or say anything about that bothering her.

2. How dare she confront this in the manner that she did. That was our introduction to her husband! Completely blind siding us. Considering Mandy NEVER hinted to this scarring before, we had absolutely no way of knowing this is how she viewed us, or how she felt.

3. She’s completely discounting 10 years of best friendship. Has she forgotten? Does she not acknowledge 10 YEARS of spending nights, and birthday parties, and summers at my grandmother’s lake house, church youth trips and functions?

If she’s forgotten all of those things and doesn’t remember our trio as being a wonderful thing, then I’m just as badly hurt as she’s stated she is about being emotionally scarred.

Sandy and I have told each other that we very much want to get her on the phone, or meet up for coffee and find out what’s really going on. Find out if she really has forgotten all of these things and truly views, what Sandy and I believed to be, a really wonderful childhood friendship.

Nerd?

Not so much....

Good Life

As I think back about my weekend, I can’t help but smile. It was stuffed with smiles, hugs, love and happiness. I saw most of my favorite people, ate at my favorite restaurant, danced, laughed and played.

Every day was a little different, seeing different people and doing different things, but they were all equally wonderful. Hunny and I went out to eat on Friday and went shopping. It was so nice to spend some time away from home with him, even if it was just around the corner in a restaurant. We’ve been cooped up in the house for the last couple of weeks and needed the fresh air desperately. I think it made him feel better too.

I started my new dance class on Saturday and it felt so great to stretch out and wiggle. I even learned a new step that proves to be a challenge. It’s always better when they are difficult. It’s so much more rewarding when you finally work it out. The teacher did give me a little thumbs up and a “perfect” when I first tired it. I guess it was better than I thought! Or at least “perfect” enough for my first shot. :) It’s always a good thing when the teacher picks you out of 30+ girls with a head nod of approval.

But Saturday wasn’t about me. Saturday was my mother’s birthday, and after I was all done giving my self much needed love and attention (dancing), I swung by the house to grab hunny and we zoomed off to my folks’ house. I was delighted to see that mom was already there. My brother had taken her out for a movie and I wasn’t sure they’d be there when we arrived, but they were. I hugged her and wished her a Happy Birthday. I love my family so much. We’re wild and loud and I normally need a breather halfway through the visit, and 9 times out of 10 I leave with a headache from laughing so much.

But how can I complain? I’m swarmed by beautiful squirmy children who love me and beam with glee when they see me. My best friend calls them yard monkeys. :) They are the children I don’t have. And not just the three little ones I normally see. All six of my nieces are my babies. Ranging from 2 ½ to 13! I love them like they are my own. And that’s only the half of it. I’m constantly surrounded by my people, my family, my clan, when I’m there. My folks are wonderful, my brother is amazing and my sister is incredible. I didn’t get to see my sister or her family this weekend, but that’s really okay. We can’t always all be together.

Anyway, I’ve gotten off track. Mom’s birthday was fantastic. I hope she had as much fun as I did. :)

My Sunday was just as great in all different ways. If I can’t spend time with my family, the next best person is my best friend. Hunny, of course, fits into a whole different category. :p

We beaded jewelry and went shopping and beaded some more. She and I went to eat with another girl we know, and just generally had a great day. She’s so fun and creative and smart. She inspires me, in lots of ways. I guess it’s a good thing he’s my best friend. :D

On the way home I listened to my favorite band. And like always, I heard a lyric I’ve heard for years. But it spoke to me at this time in my life. “The future is no place, to place your better days.” ~ Dave Matthews

No, you know what Dave? It’s not. I’m normally really good about living life in the now. I recognize the good things in my life. Family, friends, health. But I don’t always, and last night when I heard that lyric I realized that I need to live a little more in the now when it comes to personal self. Sure, it’s good to have goals and work toward them, but while you are working toward them you can’t forget about the path you have to take to get there. Keep your thoughts on where you might want to be, but not so much that you don’t have a good time along the way.

I need to realize that the body I’m in now is what I’ve got to live with, for now. I need to grasp dancing completely instead of thinking I won’t be good until my body is different. Whether that be stronger or thinner or whatever. I’m good now. I can be 215 and dance as good as the next girl. It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to waste all of this time not being as happy as I can be because I expect it to be better later.

“The future is no place, to place your better days.”

Man! I'm Weird

Dreams. Alot of the time I can figure out why I dreamt something in particular. Or at least have a reason for something or someone being in my dream, but last night....

I woke myself up early this morning because I was laughing out loud at something my father said in my dream.

There was this fish, and it was keeping it's self out of the water by holding it's fins up next to a boat propeller, while it was spinning. It was going "slap slap slap slap slap" on it's fins. So I said to dad, how do you think it's doing that? And he said "Cinnamonography" And I said "Taking pictures of cinnamon?" And he started laughing, and I started laughing. Apparently what he meant to say was "Centrifugal Force"....

Cause that makes so much more sense.... *rolls eyes*

French Fries - NO MORE!

Or at least as little as possible. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without having a french fry. Especially those big fat ones from KFC. But I rarely get those anyway. What I'm talking about is the daily intake my fat ass has grown accustom to.

I tried to cut out fast food completely, and I hate to say it, but it's just too difficult to make that drastic of a change. And eating that much fast food isn't about the food, it's about the habit and convenience. So a few months ago, I came up with an idea. It didn't really have anything to do with working fast food out of my diet, hell, it didn't really have anything to do with anything except my curiosity.

I decided to not eat beef. I wanted to see if:

1. Can I do it?
2. How much beef do I really eat?
3. Will it make me feel any different?

Well, 1 came pretty easily. I didn't have one bite of beef for 3 weeks. 2 came as a shock. I realized my main beef intake was 3-4 Quarter Pounders a week, with a few Sonic burgers thrown in. 3 was expected. I haven't been as nearly lethargic after lunch as I had been before after snarfing down a damn 1/4 lb'er.

After 3 weeks I had a small chicken fried steak at my Aunt's house. I didn't want to be rude, and I honestly didn't want to make a fuss, since this was just a little experiment, and 1 small steak wouldn't hurt. And it really was pretty small. No worries. After that I've had beef here and there, but I've yet to have a Fast Food HAMBURGER. I've had fast food tacos and burritos with beef, and I've had spaghetti a couple of times with meat sauce. So my NO beef experiment is pretty much over. But the lifestyle change is permanent.

The main reason for this is the amazing 10 lbs I've lost JUST because I'm not eating that 1 item anymore. That's just insane. That by not eating a 1/4 lb'er I can actually, magically loose 10 lbs. And I ain't lookin for 'em either!

So this leads me to my next step in what has now become the long, slow process of lifestyle change. I will eventually weed out fast food as my main source of meals. French Fries are next.
Starting today, I didn't order the 'value meal'. I ordered 1 chicken sandwich. No soda, no fries. Hell I might as well cut the sodas out too. Most of my soda intake is at lunch anyway. That'll be easy enough. Water really is my drink of choice.

Well, there ya go. This is my plan, and I'm sticking to it.