My list of things to do at work is LONG. 37 tasks and 7 calls to return. I don't normally make a to-do list, but today I was feeling overwhelmed. So I took the time to write it all down. I'll dwindle it down to a reasonable list by the end of the week I'm sure. But man am I busy!
I'm busy with things to do in my head too. Mostly money related. It seems that on top of needing to save for my coming vacation, about 12 other things that need to be paid for hit this month and next. It's almost all car related. I need an oil change, alignment, registration, inspection and a new headlight. Honey lovingly picked up a replacement headlight yesterday, but I'll need to install it before the weeks end so it will pass inspection.
My hair needs cutting, which is happening tonight, but that's another 20-ish bux gone. My virus/firewall protection software expires this month, so I'll need to renew that this week as well.
I have 3 nieces to buy presents for next month. My best friend's B-day is next month as well, and honey and I are planning a trip to Six Flags.
I also need a couple small cavities filled that I've neglected far too long. They don't hurt, so I forget about them. Not to mention an annual exam. I have good insurance, but there's still the co-pay. I paid 20 bux out last week for my foot appointment. (Which btw turned out fine. I'm just flat footed and need arch supports.)
I already had my recurring bills mapped out with a schedule of savings for our vacation, but I'm gonna have to do some serious juggling to work all of these things in. I have a feeling with all of this hitting (that I didn't plan for) I won't be able to save quite as much as I hoped.
Needless to say, I'm stressed, and I'll be stressed until we leave for out trip.
Oh! I forgot. I registered for a new class at school too. That's another 100 plus whatever the books will cost.
This is all easily 500 bux I bet! Stoopid money.
I did relieve a bit of stress yesterday by doing much needed laundry. I think I got about half of it tackled. I took the day off to rest, and because I had a killer headache that wouldn't go away. Came on Sunday when I woke up and didn't leave till this morning.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Even with my 37 items "to-do" I think I'll float the next 20 minutes of work and happily bail out to go get my hair cut. :)
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Monday, April 18, 2005
Foot Doctor
I was born with my feet turned in. Apparently I was formed that way because of my position in the womb. So if you're like that in 1975 they slap shoes on you that point out and are connected to a bar and after a while you're feet are straight like normal.
That happened to me. Don't remember it 'cause I was all done wearing them by the time I could walk.
I've never had a problem. Ran track in grade school and middle school. Walk straight, wear normal shoes. My legs are straight. If I didn't tell you I was born twisted, you'd never know.
When I was about 12 I remember my folks saying something to me about my feet leaning in, but just at the ankle. My knees don't bow in, just my ankles. They said "Maybe you should try and pull your ankles up straight and walk that way." I remembered to do it for about 5 minutes and then it flew out of my head.
In about 2000 I went on a hiking trip. Me and the guy I was with headed out to hook up with the other campers but got there real late. After hours and at about midnight. We decided to hike out and try to find their camp using the map we had. I think we finally gave up at about 2am. It was mostly uphill and to say the least, I wasn't a big hiker, plus I weighed almost 200lbs. My ankles burned so bad I'd never felt pain like that in my life. The next day I could hardly walk, but as the weekend went on it got better so I went out on a walk with some other folks and it didn't take long for them to start hurting again.
Ever since then if I walk long distances, consistently and am in bad shoes my ankles start hurting the same. I figured it was just weight and being out of shape but now I'm starting to wonder if there is more to it.
I recently got a good look at myself in a full length mirror from behind and man my left ankle REALLY leans in. The right one does too, but not as badly. I can't help but think these things are all related.
I'm overweight, I was born twisted, my ankles hurt when I walk too long and they visibly lean in. I also find myself standing on the outsides of my feet when I'm barefoot, probably to subconsciously relieve pressure, even tho they aren't hurting.
I also dance and sometimes in class if we've done lots of moving around with little scooting steps my ankles just burn up and I find relief in standing on the outsides of them.
Needless to say in the last month or so I've really become aware and concerned, even though 99% of the time they don't cause any problems. But I can only imagine it getting worse with age, especially if I always weight as much as I do or heaven forbid, put on more weight.
So I opened the yellow pages (www.yahoo.com) and found the nearest orthopedic doctor to my home. I have an appointment Wednesday morning. After he tells me to loose weight I hope he has some more insightful information about my situation.
That happened to me. Don't remember it 'cause I was all done wearing them by the time I could walk.
I've never had a problem. Ran track in grade school and middle school. Walk straight, wear normal shoes. My legs are straight. If I didn't tell you I was born twisted, you'd never know.
When I was about 12 I remember my folks saying something to me about my feet leaning in, but just at the ankle. My knees don't bow in, just my ankles. They said "Maybe you should try and pull your ankles up straight and walk that way." I remembered to do it for about 5 minutes and then it flew out of my head.
In about 2000 I went on a hiking trip. Me and the guy I was with headed out to hook up with the other campers but got there real late. After hours and at about midnight. We decided to hike out and try to find their camp using the map we had. I think we finally gave up at about 2am. It was mostly uphill and to say the least, I wasn't a big hiker, plus I weighed almost 200lbs. My ankles burned so bad I'd never felt pain like that in my life. The next day I could hardly walk, but as the weekend went on it got better so I went out on a walk with some other folks and it didn't take long for them to start hurting again.
Ever since then if I walk long distances, consistently and am in bad shoes my ankles start hurting the same. I figured it was just weight and being out of shape but now I'm starting to wonder if there is more to it.
I recently got a good look at myself in a full length mirror from behind and man my left ankle REALLY leans in. The right one does too, but not as badly. I can't help but think these things are all related.
I'm overweight, I was born twisted, my ankles hurt when I walk too long and they visibly lean in. I also find myself standing on the outsides of my feet when I'm barefoot, probably to subconsciously relieve pressure, even tho they aren't hurting.
I also dance and sometimes in class if we've done lots of moving around with little scooting steps my ankles just burn up and I find relief in standing on the outsides of them.
Needless to say in the last month or so I've really become aware and concerned, even though 99% of the time they don't cause any problems. But I can only imagine it getting worse with age, especially if I always weight as much as I do or heaven forbid, put on more weight.
So I opened the yellow pages (www.yahoo.com) and found the nearest orthopedic doctor to my home. I have an appointment Wednesday morning. After he tells me to loose weight I hope he has some more insightful information about my situation.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
I Love My Honey Because...
...he tucks me into bed every night.
...his heart envelopes more than I can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to stop and smell the roses.
...he encourages me.
...he is able to express true appreciation for nature and beauty.
...his heart envelopes more than he can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to call me down when I've crossed the line.
...he knows how to play.
...he knows how to support me in decisions I may make.
...he cares about our health.
...he makes efforts to better our health.
...he sees the light that shines inside me instead of my dress size.
...he cuddles with me on the couch to giggle or squeal at movies.
...he shares chores with me, even after our long days at work.
...he sings beautifully.
...he likes my family and understands their importance to me.
...he isn't afraid to show me his feelings, no matter what they are.
...he makes me laugh.
...he makes himself laugh.
...he will read this and come to me for a hug and a kiss
and an "I love you too."
...his heart envelopes more than I can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to stop and smell the roses.
...he encourages me.
...he is able to express true appreciation for nature and beauty.
...his heart envelopes more than he can sometimes comprehend.
...he knows how to call me down when I've crossed the line.
...he knows how to play.
...he knows how to support me in decisions I may make.
...he cares about our health.
...he makes efforts to better our health.
...he sees the light that shines inside me instead of my dress size.
...he cuddles with me on the couch to giggle or squeal at movies.
...he shares chores with me, even after our long days at work.
...he sings beautifully.
...he likes my family and understands their importance to me.
...he isn't afraid to show me his feelings, no matter what they are.
...he makes me laugh.
...he makes himself laugh.
...he will read this and come to me for a hug and a kiss
and an "I love you too."
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Thank you, Officer
A few months ago I had highlights put in my medium brown hair. I liked it and had it done again, but it's been a few weeks and the roots are showing. So yesterday I stopped and picked up a red dye and figured I'd cover over, have some lighter red highlights and be good to go for a bit longer.
Yea, it took. It took real well. My once blond highlights were now BRIGHT ORANGE. I looked like I needed a few piercings, a Circle Jerks t-shirt and skate board. It was WAY too drastic and bright to work in an office. It was actually pretty fun and cute, but like I said, not good for cube work.
So I got up early this morning and ran down to the Wal Mart to get a dark brown dye for damage control. I had one thing on my mind and blew past an officer doing 52 in a 35.
Naturally he pulled me over. I knew I was wrong, I figured I'd get the ticket, pay it and go on with life. I've only gotten pulled over 3 times in the last 15 years. It sucks, but it's been a while and I should have been going the speed limit!
Anyway, he took my license and insurance and was in his car for about a minute. He came back only holding those two items and said "You were going 52 in a 35. 17 miles over the limit is a $250 ticket and 2 hits to your license. There’s lots of coyotes on this road and you could hit one of them. You also have a clean record, so I'm giving you a warning. Slow down."
"Thank you, Officer."
Oh, and my hair looks pretty good. :p
Friday, March 18, 2005
Spring Time
It's coming. Well, at least in Texas it is. I think it's already here actually. I've seen tulips in bloom and trees are flowering. We had 2 'cold' days this week that sent us all into shock, but its back up to 60 and the sun is shining!
This is my most favorite time of year. The wildflowers here are incredible. It's nice to see the geese flying back in and hearing all the little birds chirping.
The whole world seems to come out of its hiding places. Festivals start and outdoor sports. People in parks, having picnics and playing with their kids.
I carry my camera with me everywhere I go this time of year, because I always seem to see something that's beautiful. Everything is so crisp and colorful, the sun shining bright and the sky is blue blue, so so blue!
The Fort Worth Main Street Art Festival is next month. They block off the whole road and put in booths of art. It's great fun to wander around and browse. Eat roasted corn and listen to great music. Last year we stood and watched an African Dance troop hop around on stage with what seemed to be endless strength and energy. All the while, munching on our roasted peanuts.
The Renny faire comes around next month too. I'd say that's my favorite place to go. The shows are good, the food is great and the shops are just fun. I always end up with some trinket to display in my home or an item to wear to the next faire.
Gallery Night is a neat event. Fort Worth puts together a night where all the art galleries in town open their doors, put out cheap wine and food to nibble on, so folks can wander into off the wall art shops and coo over beautiful pieces. Most of the galleries that participate are on a strip of road that could be walked if you wanted, but it's easy enough to cruise up and down the block and stop in where you might find things of interest.
This is the time of year that most people, including myself, get motivated to open their windows, throw up the blinds and air out our dusty dark living spaces. Things get de-cluttered and the kitties get to go out on the porch and lay in the planters. The AC/Heater doesn't get turned on because the air is so refreshing and perfectly warm or cool.
This is the time of year that it almost feels sinful to spend a Saturday indoors. So go outside people! Soak in the sun, and breathe in the fresh new smells of new life.
You'll certainly find me out there! :D
West Texas Sky ~ www.josiahdavidson.com
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Massage
It's been too long. Or it had been too long. I figure it had been at least 9 months since I had one. I've needed one for a long time. My shoulders and neck get tight and knotted up. I wake up in pain every morning, unable to bend my head down without feeling a hard tight pull of pain all the way down my back. Well yesterday I had had enough. I woke up feeling terrible. A tension headache spider webbed across the back of my skull. My sinuses clogged and aching.
I almost called into work sick, but came in anyway. After a short discussion with my boss, he told me I should go if I'm not feeling well. So I picked up the phone and called my massage therapist and got an appointment for later in the afternoon.
By the time I got there, my headache was gone. I'm glad I didn't have to get a massage with a headache. That's never fun. Anyway, he got to work on me and I let him beat me up pretty good. He's extremely strong and can really dig down deep and work the tension out. He also does stretching and spine popping. He'll grab my leg and twist it and bend it and pull it all around. Throw it over my body and the side of the table, pulling it hard to stretch out my hip, then push to pop my back. He does serious pressure point work on the base of my skull. That almost always puts me to sleep. It's incredible to say the least.
I'm sore today. But only from all the work he did. I'm not tense. Just tender. I'll be drinking my weight in water today, so hopefully I can wash all the toxins he worked out of my shoulders, out of my body.
I'm not waiting 9 months to go again. 6 weeks tops. I want to get a follow up massage that's not as intense and then after that, I'll go when I feel the knot tightening in my shoulder.
I always forget about the general relaxed feel I get after seeing him. Not a muscle relaxation, but a mental relaxation. I always enter into a mind set of less stress. I don't seem to get flustered or worked up over things at work. I don't feel hurried. I generally just don't care so much. :)
He does awesome work. *sigh*
I almost called into work sick, but came in anyway. After a short discussion with my boss, he told me I should go if I'm not feeling well. So I picked up the phone and called my massage therapist and got an appointment for later in the afternoon.
By the time I got there, my headache was gone. I'm glad I didn't have to get a massage with a headache. That's never fun. Anyway, he got to work on me and I let him beat me up pretty good. He's extremely strong and can really dig down deep and work the tension out. He also does stretching and spine popping. He'll grab my leg and twist it and bend it and pull it all around. Throw it over my body and the side of the table, pulling it hard to stretch out my hip, then push to pop my back. He does serious pressure point work on the base of my skull. That almost always puts me to sleep. It's incredible to say the least.
I'm sore today. But only from all the work he did. I'm not tense. Just tender. I'll be drinking my weight in water today, so hopefully I can wash all the toxins he worked out of my shoulders, out of my body.
I'm not waiting 9 months to go again. 6 weeks tops. I want to get a follow up massage that's not as intense and then after that, I'll go when I feel the knot tightening in my shoulder.
I always forget about the general relaxed feel I get after seeing him. Not a muscle relaxation, but a mental relaxation. I always enter into a mind set of less stress. I don't seem to get flustered or worked up over things at work. I don't feel hurried. I generally just don't care so much. :)
He does awesome work. *sigh*
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Season
You Are Fall! Thoughtful, Expressive, Creative, Poetic, Smart What Season Are You? Take This Quiz :-) |
Monday, February 28, 2005
Still Healing
Next month I will be officially divorced for two years. I'm still healing. I've had several dreams as of late with him in them. Some scary, some weird, some okay.
I had one last week that scared me. I was out somewhere with some friends (or so they were in my dream - none of them had faces) but the feeling of the dream was that I was out with my friends and I was feeling free and new and in a state of realization that I was completely free of him and he had no control over me any longer. Then he suddenly appeared and although I don't remember exactly what he said to me, the idea of it was that he could take me away and keep me locked up and under his control and I'd never be free of him.
After I woke, it left me feeling very trapped all day. That perhaps he could do those things. Just crawl out of the woodwork and suck me back into The Pit.
Then this weekend I had another dream about him. I was at what was supposed to be his mom’s place. She was there and so was he. Most of the dream seemed like she and I were talking about the whole situation and how Randy was taking it, and although he was there and could probably hear us, he wasn’t responding. But he wasn’t being a dick either. It was like she and I were discussing how he was hurt about it all and hoping he’d get over it soon. (Me kicking him out and divorcing him) He came and sat next to me with a guitar and an amp and wanted to show me how he could play. It was like he was a troubled teen and she and I were the grown up’s watching him act like he was okay, but knowing that he really wasn’t. Part of it was me talking to her about hoping he’d get over it soon so we could be friends again and he wouldn’t hate me. I was wearing my wedding rings too.
Weird thing though, I don’t think the way the dream was pictured is what it was really supposed to represent. I think that he was symbolizing the chunk of me that is still funkified by him. That he (or that piece of me) was healing, by coming to me and sitting with me to play the guitar. That I was talking to his mother, but that symbolized me talking to myself, and feeling sad and pity for that hurt part of me that I want to hurry up and get over it and heal.
Because I don't want to be his friend or ever speak to him again, but I do want to be over it already. I want to stop being angry at myself for letting him do the things he did to me. And angry at him for doing them. I want to stop blaming myself for letting myself get into the shape I'm in, and acting like it was his entire fault. And I want to get over all of those same things and stop blaming him for what he did to cause me to be the mess that I am. Bah, that's all so hard to verbalize.
Regardless, I'm so incredibly done. I was done years before I married him. I was done months after I married him, and I'm still done years after I've divorced him. It's exhausting. When will it finally be clean, clear and gone?
I had one last week that scared me. I was out somewhere with some friends (or so they were in my dream - none of them had faces) but the feeling of the dream was that I was out with my friends and I was feeling free and new and in a state of realization that I was completely free of him and he had no control over me any longer. Then he suddenly appeared and although I don't remember exactly what he said to me, the idea of it was that he could take me away and keep me locked up and under his control and I'd never be free of him.
After I woke, it left me feeling very trapped all day. That perhaps he could do those things. Just crawl out of the woodwork and suck me back into The Pit.
Then this weekend I had another dream about him. I was at what was supposed to be his mom’s place. She was there and so was he. Most of the dream seemed like she and I were talking about the whole situation and how Randy was taking it, and although he was there and could probably hear us, he wasn’t responding. But he wasn’t being a dick either. It was like she and I were discussing how he was hurt about it all and hoping he’d get over it soon. (Me kicking him out and divorcing him) He came and sat next to me with a guitar and an amp and wanted to show me how he could play. It was like he was a troubled teen and she and I were the grown up’s watching him act like he was okay, but knowing that he really wasn’t. Part of it was me talking to her about hoping he’d get over it soon so we could be friends again and he wouldn’t hate me. I was wearing my wedding rings too.
Weird thing though, I don’t think the way the dream was pictured is what it was really supposed to represent. I think that he was symbolizing the chunk of me that is still funkified by him. That he (or that piece of me) was healing, by coming to me and sitting with me to play the guitar. That I was talking to his mother, but that symbolized me talking to myself, and feeling sad and pity for that hurt part of me that I want to hurry up and get over it and heal.
Because I don't want to be his friend or ever speak to him again, but I do want to be over it already. I want to stop being angry at myself for letting him do the things he did to me. And angry at him for doing them. I want to stop blaming myself for letting myself get into the shape I'm in, and acting like it was his entire fault. And I want to get over all of those same things and stop blaming him for what he did to cause me to be the mess that I am. Bah, that's all so hard to verbalize.
Regardless, I'm so incredibly done. I was done years before I married him. I was done months after I married him, and I'm still done years after I've divorced him. It's exhausting. When will it finally be clean, clear and gone?
Thursday, February 17, 2005
The Brain Test
I love these little quizzes. :p
Sarah, you are Left-brained
Most left-brained people like you feel at ease in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and linear, analytical ability. Whether you know it or not, you are a much stronger written communicator than many, able to get your ideas across better than others.
It's also likely that you are methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math, particularly algebra, which is based on very strict rules that make sense to your logical mind.
Sarah, you are Left-brained
Most left-brained people like you feel at ease in situations requiring verbal ability, attention to detail, and linear, analytical ability. Whether you know it or not, you are a much stronger written communicator than many, able to get your ideas across better than others.
It's also likely that you are methodical and efficient at many things that you do. You could also be good at math, particularly algebra, which is based on very strict rules that make sense to your logical mind.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The Kitchen Project
My parents, over the years, have spent time and money redecorating/modeling their home. This is the home I spent my whole childhood in, so it's been around a while and has seen many different designs.
Some rooms are seriously outdated and neglected where as others are quite beautiful and hip. In 1970 something or the early 80's they tore down a wall that semi separated the kitchen from the living room. I always thought this was a great move. It gave the inside a much bigger area to live in.
A hand full of years ago they bought new couches and stones to rework the hearth. They bought new light fixtures and fans too. All in the style of Frank Lloyd Wright. It looks great.
The kitchen however was redone in the early 90's I think and hasn't been touched since. The cabinets are white, but the doors are light blue. They finally got a new oven and dishwasher that have a modern black and white look, but never replaced the counter top or fridge. They are both still Harvest Gold, circa 1975. Mom has the standard chicken and duck country kitchen crap hanging in a few places, and some fake plants here and there. They hate it, but their bedroom needs just as much love, and Mom wants to do that first.
So they're working on the bedroom for now and probably won't even think about getting to the kitchen for at least 3 years. This is where I come in. And my sister.
My folks are going on vacation to Italy for their 35th wedding anniversary next summer, '06. I talked to my sister about maybe trying to get them on a TLC show to get their kitchen redone. After much discussion, and not wanting to chance being picked, we decided to do it ourselves. I've been fishing information out of Mom about what she might like "when they get to it" and she's been quite unaware of my intentions and full of great information. It's easy to talk about right now too, since she's in home makeover mode for the bedroom.
Sister and I know she already likes Tuscan/Mediterranean style. She' s made plenty of comments in the past about "wishing I had a kitchen like that." We figure Dad is just along for the ride, and won't be opposed to the style either, so we're just gonna go for it.
We've discussed colors and what we need to do. I think the only thing we won't be able to upgrade is the cabinetry, and I know Mom really wants new cabinets. But I think once we're done with the makeover, she'll be good to go with what she has. New hardware, paint and fancy finish should be sufficient. But considering they'll be getting a new fridge, counter top and mosaic backsplash I don't think she'll complain.
Sister and I had already discussed putting up a mosaic as a backsplash. But while I was fishing info from Mom the other day, she said "I'd love to mosaic the backsplash." :p We were dead on.
We're also looking into getting new dishes as well. I even bought a new painting for one of the walls and a new utensil jar to go next to the stove. We'll be picking up trivets and putting in a cute wrought iron mosaic table and wrought iron chairs.
This all sounds so very involved and expensive, but guess what? We're doing it over the next year and a half. We should be able to buy most of the bits before we're ready to put it all together, and we'll try and get a credit card at Lowe's or Home Depot for the fridge and counter. I know we can do this. We WILL do this. My parents deserve this, and it will be a wonderful 35th wedding anniversary present for them to come home to.
From Italy itself to their brand new made over Tuscan style kitchen!
Oh, and my Brother is a certified pipe fitter. He won't have any problem removing the sink and replacing it so the counter can be installed. ;)
And another PS! While fishing info from Mom, I found out they want to be gone on this vacation 2 to 3 weeks!! That will give us plenty of time to do it. :D
Some rooms are seriously outdated and neglected where as others are quite beautiful and hip. In 1970 something or the early 80's they tore down a wall that semi separated the kitchen from the living room. I always thought this was a great move. It gave the inside a much bigger area to live in.
A hand full of years ago they bought new couches and stones to rework the hearth. They bought new light fixtures and fans too. All in the style of Frank Lloyd Wright. It looks great.
The kitchen however was redone in the early 90's I think and hasn't been touched since. The cabinets are white, but the doors are light blue. They finally got a new oven and dishwasher that have a modern black and white look, but never replaced the counter top or fridge. They are both still Harvest Gold, circa 1975. Mom has the standard chicken and duck country kitchen crap hanging in a few places, and some fake plants here and there. They hate it, but their bedroom needs just as much love, and Mom wants to do that first.
So they're working on the bedroom for now and probably won't even think about getting to the kitchen for at least 3 years. This is where I come in. And my sister.
My folks are going on vacation to Italy for their 35th wedding anniversary next summer, '06. I talked to my sister about maybe trying to get them on a TLC show to get their kitchen redone. After much discussion, and not wanting to chance being picked, we decided to do it ourselves. I've been fishing information out of Mom about what she might like "when they get to it" and she's been quite unaware of my intentions and full of great information. It's easy to talk about right now too, since she's in home makeover mode for the bedroom.
Sister and I know she already likes Tuscan/Mediterranean style. She' s made plenty of comments in the past about "wishing I had a kitchen like that." We figure Dad is just along for the ride, and won't be opposed to the style either, so we're just gonna go for it.
We've discussed colors and what we need to do. I think the only thing we won't be able to upgrade is the cabinetry, and I know Mom really wants new cabinets. But I think once we're done with the makeover, she'll be good to go with what she has. New hardware, paint and fancy finish should be sufficient. But considering they'll be getting a new fridge, counter top and mosaic backsplash I don't think she'll complain.
Sister and I had already discussed putting up a mosaic as a backsplash. But while I was fishing info from Mom the other day, she said "I'd love to mosaic the backsplash." :p We were dead on.
We're also looking into getting new dishes as well. I even bought a new painting for one of the walls and a new utensil jar to go next to the stove. We'll be picking up trivets and putting in a cute wrought iron mosaic table and wrought iron chairs.
This all sounds so very involved and expensive, but guess what? We're doing it over the next year and a half. We should be able to buy most of the bits before we're ready to put it all together, and we'll try and get a credit card at Lowe's or Home Depot for the fridge and counter. I know we can do this. We WILL do this. My parents deserve this, and it will be a wonderful 35th wedding anniversary present for them to come home to.
From Italy itself to their brand new made over Tuscan style kitchen!
Oh, and my Brother is a certified pipe fitter. He won't have any problem removing the sink and replacing it so the counter can be installed. ;)
And another PS! While fishing info from Mom, I found out they want to be gone on this vacation 2 to 3 weeks!! That will give us plenty of time to do it. :D
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Ask and You Shall Receive
I looked at my boss today and said "Is it too late to request a day off?" And he said "For when?" And I said "Tomorrow hehe" And he said "Yes, it's too late" and continued to give me grief for asking. And of course let me stew on it for a couple of hours and then said "Is there anything pressing?" And I said "No, nothing that can't wait until Monday." And he said I could have the day off.
So now I have a sudden 3 day weekend! And I have things to do as well, and I'm going to try my very very hardest to be productive AND relax for the next 3 days.
So now I have a sudden 3 day weekend! And I have things to do as well, and I'm going to try my very very hardest to be productive AND relax for the next 3 days.
- I get my first take home test from class tomorrow. It's due Monday, so I'll have a test to do this weekend. No problem.
- I moved into my "new" apartment unit 6 months ago and all of my nice work clothes are still in the damn box I moved them in. I HAVE to freaking organize and hang them up. Period.
- I have a few items to return to Lane Bryant. The credit to my bank account is needed, so I must do this as well.
- The house is a catsty and needs vacuuming and general straightening. Meh, we'll see. :p
- I have a date with my best friend on Saturday to go to a BEAD show!!! I hope to spend most of Saturday shopping for beads and then hanging around my place gooing over what we just bought and make new jewelry!
- I will be attending 2 Belly Dance classes Saturday morning. Once a student moves onto the next level of class, they can attend any previous level class for free! There is a beginner class at 10am every Saturday, and my class is at 11:15. I'm going to take the opportunity to dance for 2 hours because I love it so much! It's great exercise and it'll only enhance my dancing skills! FUN!
It'll be a good weekend. I'm looking quite forward to it!
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Ink Blot Test
Sarah, your subconscious mind
is driven most by Peace
is driven most by Peace
People who have unconscious minds driven by peace tend to be independent thinkers who often prefer to live by their own high personal standards and moral code.
You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.
You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Lethargy
When I left home this morning I felt down. On my drive to work I could feel my mood seeping down into that quiet concealed place. The place I go when I'm depressed. It's a very strange feeling. Being quite aware of the depressed state you are headed to, knowing there isn't any reason to be there other than physical chemical imbalance. I don't even like to call it imbalance, because for me, it seems natural. Its part of the menstrual cycle for me. Even though I don't feel this way every month, when I do, it's always before my period.
The span between these days is farther apart than it's ever been. I can honestly say I think I've had 3 or 4 periods since I felt this way. Which in my world can be around 6 months. I don't like this feeling at all. The best way I can describe it is imagine yourself sitting on the sidewalk, on a city street while it's raining. You've got your knees to your chest and your arms wrapped around them. Not because it's cold, but just because you feel like sitting in a little ball. Your lips are pressed to one of your knees and you're just staring at the curb. And if you don't have one, you'd feel better with an umbrella or rain coat pulled over your head so you can just try and disappear from the world.
That's how I feel. It's a quite place, but some what comfortable. I don't really pay attention to who's walking by or what anyone is saying. Fortunately for me, I know I'll want to get up when the sun comes out and skip down the street. Alot of people in the world don't ever get up. I suppose that's why I don't mind these days too much. Cause I know they'll go away. I suppose that's what keeps me believing that I'm not a manic or severely depressed person. Those people can't see the light. But I always can, even if I don't want to pay attention to it today.
I normally treat myself pretty bad on days like this where food is concerned. Comfort food, as they say. But it's never comforting. I've had 2 meals today and both of them came from fast food joints. I feel terrible at the moment. I feel like crawling under my cube and sleeping. I wish I hadn't just eaten what I ate. It'll probably give me a headache before too long.
I wish days like today were the only days I ate like that. I'll never loose the weight I'd like to loose if I keep feeding my misery(?) with fast food.
That just made me think of something. I wonder if my bad food habit is directly tied to my ex and the issues I still harbor with him. Or the issues I still harbor with myself concerning my relationship with him. I do feel a subconscious current running through those thoughts and habits alot of the time. I should try and break that tie. I'm sure on some level I eat that way because I did when I was unhappy with him.
However, I've never had a good diet, even though I was thin as a child and teenager. Perhaps it's an older issue than I thought.
Too tired to keep thinking on it now. Maybe I'll go have a cookie.
The span between these days is farther apart than it's ever been. I can honestly say I think I've had 3 or 4 periods since I felt this way. Which in my world can be around 6 months. I don't like this feeling at all. The best way I can describe it is imagine yourself sitting on the sidewalk, on a city street while it's raining. You've got your knees to your chest and your arms wrapped around them. Not because it's cold, but just because you feel like sitting in a little ball. Your lips are pressed to one of your knees and you're just staring at the curb. And if you don't have one, you'd feel better with an umbrella or rain coat pulled over your head so you can just try and disappear from the world.
That's how I feel. It's a quite place, but some what comfortable. I don't really pay attention to who's walking by or what anyone is saying. Fortunately for me, I know I'll want to get up when the sun comes out and skip down the street. Alot of people in the world don't ever get up. I suppose that's why I don't mind these days too much. Cause I know they'll go away. I suppose that's what keeps me believing that I'm not a manic or severely depressed person. Those people can't see the light. But I always can, even if I don't want to pay attention to it today.
I normally treat myself pretty bad on days like this where food is concerned. Comfort food, as they say. But it's never comforting. I've had 2 meals today and both of them came from fast food joints. I feel terrible at the moment. I feel like crawling under my cube and sleeping. I wish I hadn't just eaten what I ate. It'll probably give me a headache before too long.
I wish days like today were the only days I ate like that. I'll never loose the weight I'd like to loose if I keep feeding my misery(?) with fast food.
That just made me think of something. I wonder if my bad food habit is directly tied to my ex and the issues I still harbor with him. Or the issues I still harbor with myself concerning my relationship with him. I do feel a subconscious current running through those thoughts and habits alot of the time. I should try and break that tie. I'm sure on some level I eat that way because I did when I was unhappy with him.
However, I've never had a good diet, even though I was thin as a child and teenager. Perhaps it's an older issue than I thought.
Too tired to keep thinking on it now. Maybe I'll go have a cookie.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Feelings and Sensations
I've not blogged in a week. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. No life lessons or epiphanies. No specific outings. Just normal everyday life. Which I suppose is a really great thing sometimes. Although it doesn't leave much to blog about.
I did have a thought the other day that I wanted to delve into and elaborate on here. I wanted to post pictures along with it, but I'm at work now and don't have access to those pictures. But I feel like typing, so I'll just go on and perhaps post a photo or two later.
My thought was sparked by something very odd. It's been raining alot here lately and when I leave work it's normally dark. Well it seems the street lights near my work are particularly bright in color. The red is VERY red and the green is VERY green. What I noticed was how incredible these colors look reflected off of the wet streets. It's so incredibly vibrant that as I'm sitting at the light, waiting for it to change, I almost melt into the color of red. It truly sends a feeling of peace and contentment over me. Like the whole day is just washed away and I can take a deep breath and just marvel at the red and green.
I know that sounds insane, but I really don't care. It makes me happy. So I was starting to thing about other things that make you take that deep breath and just live in the sensation. Places, things, smells. There are so many things we all like that makes us happy or feel good, but there are very few things in particular that really make you stop and take it in. And I think that is different for everyone.
One thing I thought of, along with the brilliant red and green lights, that makes me gooey, if you will, is clean white new socks, or a clean fluffy towel. The warmth from the dryer is soothing, and the smell of the detergent brings your senses to life. I love the feel of clean white new socks on me feet. Enough to stand and stretch my toes, wiggle them around and press them into the ground. And if you bury your face in a warm clean towel and take a deep breath, it's almost better if you just let yourself fall back on a bed. It's so completely soothing.
Another thing that popped into my head when I was digging deep to find those particularly special things was a place. I've been to this place twice. And although I've seen alot of amazing places in my life, this particular place is just that much more breath taking. It's called Muley Point in Utah. It's near Valley of the Gods and Monument Valley, off of a dirt road that takes about 10 minutes to drive down. You are literally driving to the edge of a massive cliff you've just previously spent climbing up, out of the Valley, on a switch back road. There are no man made structures or parking lots. No tourist booths or railings. You drive out to the edge, if your little car can handle it, then you get out and you stand on what seems like the edge of the world and just..... gasp at the grandness of it all. It's absolutely incredible. Of course words and pictures cannot describe the feeling you get from this place.
Both times I've gone there I've been with only the people that were in the car. No others were there. It's so hard to find places that haven't been tampered with, but this is one of them and it is amazing. I hope it's always this way. I hope no one ever tries to tame it or regulate it or sell bullshit near it.
Anyway, I've gotten off track. This place gives me the same feeling as those red and green lights, or as clean socks and towels. I would have to say the feeling from this place is more magnified, but it's all the same.
I did have a thought the other day that I wanted to delve into and elaborate on here. I wanted to post pictures along with it, but I'm at work now and don't have access to those pictures. But I feel like typing, so I'll just go on and perhaps post a photo or two later.
My thought was sparked by something very odd. It's been raining alot here lately and when I leave work it's normally dark. Well it seems the street lights near my work are particularly bright in color. The red is VERY red and the green is VERY green. What I noticed was how incredible these colors look reflected off of the wet streets. It's so incredibly vibrant that as I'm sitting at the light, waiting for it to change, I almost melt into the color of red. It truly sends a feeling of peace and contentment over me. Like the whole day is just washed away and I can take a deep breath and just marvel at the red and green.
I know that sounds insane, but I really don't care. It makes me happy. So I was starting to thing about other things that make you take that deep breath and just live in the sensation. Places, things, smells. There are so many things we all like that makes us happy or feel good, but there are very few things in particular that really make you stop and take it in. And I think that is different for everyone.
One thing I thought of, along with the brilliant red and green lights, that makes me gooey, if you will, is clean white new socks, or a clean fluffy towel. The warmth from the dryer is soothing, and the smell of the detergent brings your senses to life. I love the feel of clean white new socks on me feet. Enough to stand and stretch my toes, wiggle them around and press them into the ground. And if you bury your face in a warm clean towel and take a deep breath, it's almost better if you just let yourself fall back on a bed. It's so completely soothing.
Another thing that popped into my head when I was digging deep to find those particularly special things was a place. I've been to this place twice. And although I've seen alot of amazing places in my life, this particular place is just that much more breath taking. It's called Muley Point in Utah. It's near Valley of the Gods and Monument Valley, off of a dirt road that takes about 10 minutes to drive down. You are literally driving to the edge of a massive cliff you've just previously spent climbing up, out of the Valley, on a switch back road. There are no man made structures or parking lots. No tourist booths or railings. You drive out to the edge, if your little car can handle it, then you get out and you stand on what seems like the edge of the world and just..... gasp at the grandness of it all. It's absolutely incredible. Of course words and pictures cannot describe the feeling you get from this place.
Both times I've gone there I've been with only the people that were in the car. No others were there. It's so hard to find places that haven't been tampered with, but this is one of them and it is amazing. I hope it's always this way. I hope no one ever tries to tame it or regulate it or sell bullshit near it.
Anyway, I've gotten off track. This place gives me the same feeling as those red and green lights, or as clean socks and towels. I would have to say the feeling from this place is more magnified, but it's all the same.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Three Things
3 Names You Go By:
Sarah
Aunt Sarah
Nadi
3 Screen Names You Have:
Nadirah
Nadilya
DMS
3 Things You Like About Yourself:
My Wisdom
My Intelligence
My Humor
3 Things You Dislike About Yourself:
My Weight
My Bull Headedness
My lack of willpower in certain areas
3 Parts Of Your Heritage:
Scottish
Irish
American Indian
3 Things That Scare Me:
Loosing my Honey
Loosing my job
Being incapacitated in the hospital
3 Of Your Everyday Essentials:
Music
Laughter
Hobby Time
3 Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
Tennis Shoes
Blue Jeans
Black Shirt
3 Of Your Favourite Bands/Artists at Present:
Dave Matthews Band
Rage Against the Machine
Alanis Morissette
3 Of Your Favourite Songs at Present:
Right Through You – Alanis Morissette
This Love – Maroon 5
Seek Up – Dave Matthews Band
3 Things You Want To Try In The Next 12 Months:
Wow… I honestly don’t know
3 Things You Want In A Relationship (Love Is A Given):
Friendship
Honesty
Loyalty
2 Truths And A Lie (No Particular Order To Keep You Guessing):
I’m 5’8”
I’ve had teeth braces
I’ve been to Switzerland
3 Physical Things About a Love Interest That Appeal To Me:
Eyes
Facial Hair
Hands
3 Things You Just Can't Do:
Produce Semen
Travel Back in Time
Fly
3 Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
Making Jewelry with BEADS!
Belly Dancing
Playing EverQuest 2
3 Things You Want To Do Right Now:
Go Home
Blink and have my work done
Make a new character in EverQuest 2
3 Careers You're Considering:
Clinical Psychology
Psychiatry
Photography
3 Places You Want to Go On Vacation:
Great Barrier Reef
New Hampshire
Grand Canyon
3 Kids Names (Either Boy or Girl):
Hannah
Tory
Paige
Aly
Abigale
Sammy
3 Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
Dive the Great Barrier Reef
Swim with a Humpback Whale
Swim with a Manta Ray
3 People Who Have To Take This Quiz Now:
Meh, I’m not ordering anyone around.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Selfish
Or, learning the balance of selfishness.
I believe that treating yourself well is extremely important. Even to the point of being somewhat selfish at times. Certainly nothing over the top, but perhaps choosing the bigger brownie when there are only two left is an okay thing to do.
I've been selfish. I've been extremely selfish since my exhusband moved out. I spent over 6 years catering to his every need. I was forgotten. I was neglected to the extreme maximum. By myself and him. So when he was no longer in the picture I started living life for ME.
I've realized now that alot of the time that just gave me license to be a bitch. To be pushy and bossy. I'm certainly not a horrible person, but I could definitely use some fine tuning in this area. All of that is over and done with. It's time for me to close the door completely, grow past it and start treating people, in particular the wonderful man who is now in my life, with a little more respect.
Some days I feel like I treat him the way my ex treated me. I've become what I hate. I'm speaking to extremes here of course. It's the underlying dynamic that needs work. Personal internal work on my part so that my actions and motives will morph into what I would like them to be. And what Honey most certainly deserves.
Anyway, my point is the selfishness has been catered to enough. It's been almost 3 years since he moved out. I treat myself very well. I give myself a Belly Dance class and a college class. I treat myself to material things from time to time. I eat better and dress better, for me and no one else.
That's plenty. The attitude needs shifting.
I believe that treating yourself well is extremely important. Even to the point of being somewhat selfish at times. Certainly nothing over the top, but perhaps choosing the bigger brownie when there are only two left is an okay thing to do.
I've been selfish. I've been extremely selfish since my exhusband moved out. I spent over 6 years catering to his every need. I was forgotten. I was neglected to the extreme maximum. By myself and him. So when he was no longer in the picture I started living life for ME.
I've realized now that alot of the time that just gave me license to be a bitch. To be pushy and bossy. I'm certainly not a horrible person, but I could definitely use some fine tuning in this area. All of that is over and done with. It's time for me to close the door completely, grow past it and start treating people, in particular the wonderful man who is now in my life, with a little more respect.
Some days I feel like I treat him the way my ex treated me. I've become what I hate. I'm speaking to extremes here of course. It's the underlying dynamic that needs work. Personal internal work on my part so that my actions and motives will morph into what I would like them to be. And what Honey most certainly deserves.
Anyway, my point is the selfishness has been catered to enough. It's been almost 3 years since he moved out. I treat myself very well. I give myself a Belly Dance class and a college class. I treat myself to material things from time to time. I eat better and dress better, for me and no one else.
That's plenty. The attitude needs shifting.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Thoughts
What would it be like if my father had died from cancer 15 years ago?
I spent yesterday pondering time. I got an email from my dad about a charity walk he'll be doing this summer for breast cancer. He beat cancer 15 years ago, not breast cancer, but cancer.
I read that subject line on his email "Cancer Free - 15 Years" and I fell apart. I cried my eyes out. I cannot imagine who I'd be, where I'd be if I didn't have my father for the last 15 years. That's longer than the age of my eldest niece. Not one of my 6 nieces would have ever known this wonderful man if he hadn't made it. Hell, I might not have 6 nieces if he hadn't made it.
So many things could be different. They might have been better, or they might have been worse. I'd opt for worse, because I can't imagine life without my father as a good thing. At least not at the age we all were when he was sick. I know one day I'll have to live without him, but I can only hope it's when he's lived his life out to it's fullest and it's just time for him to go. It will be so terribly hard when it comes, but it would have been so terrible worse if it had happened when I was only 14, when my sister was 18 and my brother was 12.
It's just so hard to imagine.
I spent yesterday pondering time. I got an email from my dad about a charity walk he'll be doing this summer for breast cancer. He beat cancer 15 years ago, not breast cancer, but cancer.
I read that subject line on his email "Cancer Free - 15 Years" and I fell apart. I cried my eyes out. I cannot imagine who I'd be, where I'd be if I didn't have my father for the last 15 years. That's longer than the age of my eldest niece. Not one of my 6 nieces would have ever known this wonderful man if he hadn't made it. Hell, I might not have 6 nieces if he hadn't made it.
So many things could be different. They might have been better, or they might have been worse. I'd opt for worse, because I can't imagine life without my father as a good thing. At least not at the age we all were when he was sick. I know one day I'll have to live without him, but I can only hope it's when he's lived his life out to it's fullest and it's just time for him to go. It will be so terribly hard when it comes, but it would have been so terrible worse if it had happened when I was only 14, when my sister was 18 and my brother was 12.
It's just so hard to imagine.
Monday, January 17, 2005
A New Start
I took a big step toward changing my life this weekend. It's scary and exciting and a great big deal to me.
A few months ago I ordered my old college transcripts from the couple of years I went to school right out of high school. My GPA was crap and I was put on Academic Probation pretty much every semester. However, I did, miraculously, manage to rack up a few credits.
So I took that info to the University I'd like to go to later for my Masters to see if they'd accept these old credits, and they will! While I was there I saw an advisor and she helped me see what the base level credits I still needed and showed me how to match them with my local community college classes.
Long story short, I've got several credits I still need to complete the base level for a Masters in Psychology. So Saturday I went to the local Community College and registered for one class!
I'm a new student! I start on Wednesday. My classes are MWF at 8:00am - 8:55am. I can run to work after class and then stay till about 6:30pm. :D Not too shabby. I'm taking Intro to Psych. It'll count toward the base level credits I need, and it'll also give me an idea if I'll enjoy the major I've chosen. Hehehe.
I'm so excited!!! :D:D:D
A few months ago I ordered my old college transcripts from the couple of years I went to school right out of high school. My GPA was crap and I was put on Academic Probation pretty much every semester. However, I did, miraculously, manage to rack up a few credits.
So I took that info to the University I'd like to go to later for my Masters to see if they'd accept these old credits, and they will! While I was there I saw an advisor and she helped me see what the base level credits I still needed and showed me how to match them with my local community college classes.
Long story short, I've got several credits I still need to complete the base level for a Masters in Psychology. So Saturday I went to the local Community College and registered for one class!
I'm a new student! I start on Wednesday. My classes are MWF at 8:00am - 8:55am. I can run to work after class and then stay till about 6:30pm. :D Not too shabby. I'm taking Intro to Psych. It'll count toward the base level credits I need, and it'll also give me an idea if I'll enjoy the major I've chosen. Hehehe.
I'm so excited!!! :D:D:D
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Brain Dump
This is sorta old news, but it’s still an issue that’s floating around my head that I’ve not quite figured out how to deal with.
2 months ago, wow, exactly 2 months ago today, I went to my 10 year high school class reunion. I blogged about the outcome of it already, so I won’t rehash, however, I didn’t mention anything about this one particular thing that happened.
I attended the reunion with my honey and my best friend since 3rd grade and her honey. She and I have been friends for over 20 years now and when we were still in grade school there was this other girl we were friends with. The 3 of us were stuck to each other like glue. We did everything together, always. In and out of school, we were quite the trio. This third person, lets call her Mandy, and the girl I’ve been friends with forever can be Sandy.
Anyway, Mandy’s childhood was tainted because her mother has a terrible case of OCD - packrat style. The woman never threw anything away. People weren’t allowed to go into Mandy’s house, and they couldn’t even open the front door all the way. It’s actually very terrible and sad. Well this leads me to the reason Mandy lived with Sandy for a short time. They had to move. The city came and made them leave the house and during that time, Mandy went to live with Sandy. I believe they lived together for about a year. Well, this was all during our solid trio, so them living together was pretty awesome for the two of them.
Okay, so there’s some back story. Here’s a little more. Mandy is cookey. She’s silly and crazy and fun. Sandy and I loved her dearly, but as kids do, teased her about being so silly. We occasionally called her retarded. And we’d all laugh and go on about our business. You know, being BEST friends and doing EVERYTHING together for YEARS. Laughing, playing, confiding, and getting into trouble. You name it.
So, years pass and we grow up and just as things happen, Mandy didn’t quite click with Sandy and I anymore. So the trio became just two. Mandy went on to make new friends, as did Sandy and I, but Sandy and I still hung out together. Life goes on, blah blah blah, Sandy and I see each other every few months, we hear about or see Mandy and how she’s doing a few times over the last 10 years and BAM, here we all are at the reunion.
Sandy and I didn’t expect to see Mandy. It was a bit strange, but a pleasant surprise I’d say. That was until Mandy introduced us to her husband and in front of our men, said “Yea, these are my “friends” (she said with quotation finger motion) that emotionally scarred me by calling me retarded all the time.”
What?! Are you serious?! Sandy and I were stunned. Mandy laughed it off, and candy coated the rest of the conversation and evening with mock niceness. Does she really think that? I understand that a lot of the time, as children, we do things that hurt other people and don’t even realize it. But I’m having a real hard time with this one. I honestly cannot believe that the few times we said that to her, emotionally scarred her life.
And this is where I get angry.
1. I’ve seen Mandy several times since we graduated. Also, we continued to go to school together for several years when we weren’t “best friends” any longer. Not once have I ever heard her hint or say anything about that bothering her.
2. How dare she confront this in the manner that she did. That was our introduction to her husband! Completely blind siding us. Considering Mandy NEVER hinted to this scarring before, we had absolutely no way of knowing this is how she viewed us, or how she felt.
3. She’s completely discounting 10 years of best friendship. Has she forgotten? Does she not acknowledge 10 YEARS of spending nights, and birthday parties, and summers at my grandmother’s lake house, church youth trips and functions?
If she’s forgotten all of those things and doesn’t remember our trio as being a wonderful thing, then I’m just as badly hurt as she’s stated she is about being emotionally scarred.
Sandy and I have told each other that we very much want to get her on the phone, or meet up for coffee and find out what’s really going on. Find out if she really has forgotten all of these things and truly views, what Sandy and I believed to be, a really wonderful childhood friendship.
2 months ago, wow, exactly 2 months ago today, I went to my 10 year high school class reunion. I blogged about the outcome of it already, so I won’t rehash, however, I didn’t mention anything about this one particular thing that happened.
I attended the reunion with my honey and my best friend since 3rd grade and her honey. She and I have been friends for over 20 years now and when we were still in grade school there was this other girl we were friends with. The 3 of us were stuck to each other like glue. We did everything together, always. In and out of school, we were quite the trio. This third person, lets call her Mandy, and the girl I’ve been friends with forever can be Sandy.
Anyway, Mandy’s childhood was tainted because her mother has a terrible case of OCD - packrat style. The woman never threw anything away. People weren’t allowed to go into Mandy’s house, and they couldn’t even open the front door all the way. It’s actually very terrible and sad. Well this leads me to the reason Mandy lived with Sandy for a short time. They had to move. The city came and made them leave the house and during that time, Mandy went to live with Sandy. I believe they lived together for about a year. Well, this was all during our solid trio, so them living together was pretty awesome for the two of them.
Okay, so there’s some back story. Here’s a little more. Mandy is cookey. She’s silly and crazy and fun. Sandy and I loved her dearly, but as kids do, teased her about being so silly. We occasionally called her retarded. And we’d all laugh and go on about our business. You know, being BEST friends and doing EVERYTHING together for YEARS. Laughing, playing, confiding, and getting into trouble. You name it.
So, years pass and we grow up and just as things happen, Mandy didn’t quite click with Sandy and I anymore. So the trio became just two. Mandy went on to make new friends, as did Sandy and I, but Sandy and I still hung out together. Life goes on, blah blah blah, Sandy and I see each other every few months, we hear about or see Mandy and how she’s doing a few times over the last 10 years and BAM, here we all are at the reunion.
Sandy and I didn’t expect to see Mandy. It was a bit strange, but a pleasant surprise I’d say. That was until Mandy introduced us to her husband and in front of our men, said “Yea, these are my “friends” (she said with quotation finger motion) that emotionally scarred me by calling me retarded all the time.”
What?! Are you serious?! Sandy and I were stunned. Mandy laughed it off, and candy coated the rest of the conversation and evening with mock niceness. Does she really think that? I understand that a lot of the time, as children, we do things that hurt other people and don’t even realize it. But I’m having a real hard time with this one. I honestly cannot believe that the few times we said that to her, emotionally scarred her life.
And this is where I get angry.
1. I’ve seen Mandy several times since we graduated. Also, we continued to go to school together for several years when we weren’t “best friends” any longer. Not once have I ever heard her hint or say anything about that bothering her.
2. How dare she confront this in the manner that she did. That was our introduction to her husband! Completely blind siding us. Considering Mandy NEVER hinted to this scarring before, we had absolutely no way of knowing this is how she viewed us, or how she felt.
3. She’s completely discounting 10 years of best friendship. Has she forgotten? Does she not acknowledge 10 YEARS of spending nights, and birthday parties, and summers at my grandmother’s lake house, church youth trips and functions?
If she’s forgotten all of those things and doesn’t remember our trio as being a wonderful thing, then I’m just as badly hurt as she’s stated she is about being emotionally scarred.
Sandy and I have told each other that we very much want to get her on the phone, or meet up for coffee and find out what’s really going on. Find out if she really has forgotten all of these things and truly views, what Sandy and I believed to be, a really wonderful childhood friendship.
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