Brrrr!

Okay, Santa crawled in my bedroom window last night and bit my ass. And before you *gasp* I'm talking about the Christmas bug. I've been bit. I love this time of year and today, I've embraced it with open arms.

I normally try and keep the bug at bay until I at least have my first serving of Thanksgiving Dinner... but not this year.

A cold front blew in last night and the Christmas music is playin on my PC at work. I'm grinning from ear to ear, excited to head outside for lunch and freeze my ass off. The funny part is, it's only 41 degrees. Oh, but add the wind and you've got a crisp 35 degrees. Oh I know.... it's not cold for everyone, but this is Texas dammit. I'm cold! And I'm loving it.

I went out and got the goodies to help make for Dinner tomorrow and just can't wait to get over there and watch the parade with my little nieces. An extra special thing this year, is that my best friend gets to come celebrate with us as well! She loves my family. We're loud and flamboyant and laugh at everything. I'm all wiggly I can't even put my thoughts together.

To all of you out there. Have a wonderful holiday, and BE THANKFUL!!

Mrrow?

YOU ARE CATNIP

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Helping

My sister and I are 32 & 28 (2 1/2 weeks shy of 29) respectivley. My mother has a hard time letting other people do things. (most mothers are like this)

Well seeing that my sister and I are fully grown women, and can help quite a bit with Thanksgiving Dinner.... and my mother sure could use a break, we're making her just stop and sit down and let us do it this year.

She can't let go completely though, so we're letting her do the meat and stuff mushrooms. But sister and I will be doing the rest. I'm looking forward to it. Mostly because mom won't have to do it. But also because I enjoy making food and providing for people. Plus my deviled eggs are to die for. :p

Next week should prove to be a good one. Hunny is off Thursday & Friday with me!! That's not the norm, but he was lucky enough to get those two days off this year. I can't wait to spend all day Thursday with my family, cooking, laughing, playing, talking and of course eating.

Chapters of Life

I fired off two emails today. They both said the exact same thing.

"Why don't you talk to me anymore? Blatant honesty would be a real good idea.
Thanks,Sarah"

I have these two "friends" that are men and I've searched my brain backwards and forwards to find a reason they aren't talking to me anymore, and I can't figure it out. It hurts and makes me angry.

Mostly I just miss them. Even if they tell me to F off, that's better than not hearing anything.

Come on guys... give me some closure.

Premonition

My dreams weren't just dreams. They were premonitions. I WAS the only girl at my class reunion who's gotten fat.

I didn't have that good of a time. I'm glad I went though, otherwise I would have regretted not going. But it was too expensive, and the food wasn't good and we were in an area WAY too small. It was apparently supposed to be outside, but it was too cold. So the back up room was where we were, and it was tiny. I don't know which planner thought it wouldn't be cold in mid-Nov to plan something outside.

Most of the people that showed up were the popular kids, and they still didn't give anyone "beneath" them the time of day. It's amazing how much DOESN'T change in 10 years.

I feel I've changed alot. And not just physically. I feel stronger and more aware. I'm more upfront and nice, and not such a wallflower anymore. I know what I want most of the time and I don't hesitate to go get it.

I did see one person I was glad to see and got his email. So maybe we'll be able to keep in touch a little better now, even though he no longer lives close.

I found it annoying and somewhat humorous that the conversation was mostly shallow and alot of the time, candy coated bullshit. I guess it's a good thing my hair is shorted so people could actually comment on how I looked without saying "OMG you've gained 80lbs!" I heard, "You look great!" all over the place, except directed at me. All I got was "You cut your hair!"

Whatever. I know, I know, I'm quite wrapped up in my own weight problem. Probably to the point where I read more into crap than is really there. But I swear I heard a hint of pity in someone's voice... which just makes me angry because I'm not a sad case anymore. I was 3 years ago when I was in the pit, but I'm not anymore. Other than being overweight, I'm in better shape than I've ever been! I'm happier than I've ever been, and stronger. I'm not just some poor fat sap.

I could go on all day....

Hurt, Confusion...

I've got big stuff on my mind that isn't for public blogging.

I didn't want to go another day without saying something on here, but I can't say what I need to say, so I won't be saying anything at all.

Until my days are brighter...

Nothing.

A blog about nothing. Of course to try and comprehend 'nothing' is not humanly possible. So I suppose I can conjure up something.

I finished the second trilogy of the Dragonlance series. It was wonderful. 6 books down and not a second of boredom or disappointment. I need to pick up the next in line. I'm sure I can find it for 2 bux at a nearby Half Price Books. I'm going to take a short break from those however. I have a vampire book I bought several months ago that needs to be cracked. I'll try not to compare they writing style too much. I hope it doesn't suck. Heh.

My clothes still aren't hung. Nor is my lamp. I danced Saturday at class then spent the day doing laundry. Hunny and I went out to see The Incredibles. It was great! I can't wait for it to hit DVD so I can see it again. I'll save the 8 bux for a flick and see something else at the theater though.

My hair is a mess. I'm looking forward to Friday's paycheck so I can get it cut again. And I need a freakin massage too. Maybe I can afford one of those this weekend as well. Not real sure when I'd go though. I'll be busy with friends and reunion Saturday and need to go clean Grandma's house on Sunday. I think she expected me this last weekend, even though we never set an exact schedule. I didn't call her or email her either. I should do that today so she knows I didn't forget about her. :)

Varekai is tomorrow night. I can't wait to see it. I hope our seats are decent. That'll be my last splurge (i hope) before the end of the year. I've got to sit on some monies for Christmas and our hopeful trip to New Hampshire next spring. Stoopid tempting stores.

Well nothing sure turned out to be something. Even if it is just a brain dump. :p

Busy!

I have just got a ton of stuff happening before the end of the year. I think every weekend I'll be busy, or at least I need to be.

I've got some things to go do or see, I've got craft projects to complete for Christmas. My apartment is still not finished from the move, (which was in mid Sept.) and then of course there are the holidays. My uncle is coming into town in a couple of weeks and my bellydance class "graduates" in mid December!

I've got Christmas presents to make or buy. I've got decorations to make or buy. At some point we'll be getting a tree, and we'll have to decorate it and the porch.

This weekend I'll be going to dance class, working on my front bathroom and going to Six Flags with my family. If I don't organize and hang up my clothes, I'm going to kill someone. (probably myself)

I have ornaments and presents to make for myself, friends and family. I made soap last night, and I need to figure out how to bundle those up and who to give them to. I didn't actually MAKE the soap. I bought soap blanks and melted them down to add scent and color then poured it into cute little Christmas themed molds.

The lamp in the kitchen still isn't hung. *rolls eyes* I should do that tonight. Period.

I'm going to see Varekai (Cirque du Solei) on Tuesday night and then Friday and Saturday night of next week is the class reunion stuff. And I need a hair cut before that! Gah! :)

I've got to try and stay focused however, so I can get this all done. A video game I've preordered is going to be available next week, and I'm highly anticipating it's arrival.

I don't think I've ever been this busy in my whole life! I'm reading a book right now too! Hehehhe

Reunion

My High School reunion is on the 13th of this month. I've been thinking about it since the day I graduated. Therefore, although I'm nervous, I can't possibly miss it, or I'd regret it for the rest of my life.

Over the last few months I've had SEVERAL dreams about seeing all these people again. It's amazing who I remember while I'm sleeping that I don't remember while I'm awake. The clarity of realness of all the dreams have been incredible.

The problem is, I seem to be the only one who has gotten fat in the last 10 years. I of course realize this is completely ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it, as my dreams clearly reflect.

My best friend from school and I have kept in touch. I met her when we were in 3rd grade and if she hadn't moved away in 10th grade, she would have graduated with us. Needless to say, she knows these people too. It was/is a small town, and I graduated with people I went to kindergarten with.

So for 8 years she went to school with us. I told her she has to go with me. I'm taking my hunny as well, but he doesn't know them. So she's my safety net, as well as I will be hers.

I'm still nervous but I know I'll have a good time. I expect even more unsettling dreams in the next week though. Blech.

Voting

This is a big election. Big enough for me to get involved. Or perhaps I'm realizing my right with age. Or at least the importance of it. It's been interesting to say the least. From someone coming out of a complete political hibernation to a decision making voter.

I haven't voted since I was 18, but a few months ago I decided I was going to vote this year and got my registration up to date. In just the last 2 weeks I've started to pay attention, so that I might make the choice I want to make, and not the choice I think I should make due to other people and their opinions. That's a hard thing to do. Or at least it is for me. I'm highly swayed by others' around me.

I've finally made my choice and I'll be heading down to the polls after work to cast my vote. If for no other reason than to justify the women who fought so hard, not so long ago, for my right to vote.

How was your weekend?

Total crap if you ask me. I went to that party/wedding with full intent on having a good time, being snarky, having drinks and generally enjoying myself.

I round the corner, upon arrival, only to see the one person on the planet I thought couldn't possibly be there. My exhusband. aka, The Pit. Considering who he was with, I'm guessing he didn't expect me to be there either. An old friend of ours, when we were still a couple. I think I embarrassed the hell out of her. Which added slight amusement, since I was wanting to be snarky anyway.

The wedding proceeded to start late, and it was midnight to begin with, so everyone was tired. It was quiet and boring and several other people there aren't folks I like to see. But everyone, except the ex, put on their nice faces and made small mindless chit chat.

It was the most obscene display of candy coated bullshit I'd ever seen. Hollow smiles, fake laughs, followed by whispers and eye rolls when no one was looking. I think it would have been a much more entertaining event if we'd all actually drop the act and tell each other what we really think. I would have gotten into at least 3 fist fights I'm sure. If of course, I said and did what my insides want to do. The animal part of me.

But no, I tucked it away like a civil grown up and played the nicey nice game, the whole while, making myself sick. This was all on Saturday night, or early Sunday morning, if you will.

I felt weird all day yesterday. Trying to place my... anger? I finally figured it out this morning. A life lesson, I suppose you are supposed to learn at some point, I hope I'm not behind.

Life Lesson: No one gives a crap about anyone else except themselves. They don't want to know what your story is, or how soandso treated you. They don't want to know the truth and be real. Everyone wants to pretend everything is right in the world and there is no injustice.

I can't stand it. I pried myself out of that circle because this one chick treated everyone like shit. At one time or another someone was on her shit list, and everyone else heard about it behind their back. When I made my round to the list, I didn't put up with it. I removed myself. And I still, to this day cannot grasp any understanding as to why all of those people are still friends with her, knowing full well she is the way she is. It completely baffles me. This goes for my exhusband too. The idiot dating him knows what he did to me! She saw it first hand, and yet she's going out with him. What?! Idiot.

I'm not even going to get into what happened last night and the people I ran into that I can't stand even more so than the afore mentioned.