My social circle is gone. I don't have quite enough friends to make a circle any more. Mostly because I've migrated away from having "friends" I only see at parties and toward surrounding myself with only those select few I consider close dear friends.
I'd say 360 days out of the year, this doesn't bother me. But there are 5 or so days during the year I'd actually like to attend a big crazy party.
Halloween is one of those days. I haven't been to a Halloween party in about 4 years. But this year, one of my dearest and closest friends was invited to one. It's really a wedding. At midnight, on the 30th. Which I just think is stupid as hell, and I really don't like the girl getting married at all.
However, I'm going with my best friend as her "date" because her ex is going to be there, and what better day to go and be a catty bitch but on Halloween?!
We'll be dressed to the 9's, sipping our drinks, making nasty comments to each other about everyone there, and throwing dirty looks all night.
>:)
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
What Kind of Blogger Are You?
| You Are a Life Blogger! |
 Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
Will Power
Or lack there of. I have none when it comes to eating right and exercising. I figure that's the norm in the world though. Unfortunately.
I hear people say, people that have lost weight that is, "I just came to the conclusion that I had to make it happen, and I just did it." I've been traveling down this weight gain road for 5 or 6 years now and I've yet to come to "the conclusion." I come to the idea and thought of doing it all the time though. Pretty much every waking hour.
I've tried everything save a drill sergeant trainer. Well, everything except unhealthy routes, like strict diets or medication. I'm not desperate enough to be stupid. But I'm gettin real close to the idea of just forking out the money for a trainer.
When I think about what it would take, it's just so simple. Don't drive through, and exercise more than just dance class on Saturday mornings. But for some reason, I just can't make it happen. And I have time to do it too! That's the most frustrating part. I have absolutely no excuse.
Bah. Every single day I stop in the middle of the road and stare up at this road block, wondering how the heck to get around it. A puzzle I've yet to work out. An endless maze that's slowly driving me to madness.
I hear people say, people that have lost weight that is, "I just came to the conclusion that I had to make it happen, and I just did it." I've been traveling down this weight gain road for 5 or 6 years now and I've yet to come to "the conclusion." I come to the idea and thought of doing it all the time though. Pretty much every waking hour.
I've tried everything save a drill sergeant trainer. Well, everything except unhealthy routes, like strict diets or medication. I'm not desperate enough to be stupid. But I'm gettin real close to the idea of just forking out the money for a trainer.
When I think about what it would take, it's just so simple. Don't drive through, and exercise more than just dance class on Saturday mornings. But for some reason, I just can't make it happen. And I have time to do it too! That's the most frustrating part. I have absolutely no excuse.
Bah. Every single day I stop in the middle of the road and stare up at this road block, wondering how the heck to get around it. A puzzle I've yet to work out. An endless maze that's slowly driving me to madness.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Family
My sister lives about 3 hours west. Her youngest daughter had her 12th birthday on the 6th of this month and just this past Saturday we all got together to celebrate.
I got up early Saturday morning to drive to my parent's house. I came in to find three of my brother's little girls quietly playing in Dad's computer room. Messy haired, puffy eyed and cute as can be. They bolted to me with angelic smiles on their faces to squeeze my legs in their tiny hugs.
Mom, Dad and I were headed out to sister's first, in their car. Brother was going to bring out the little ones, with his girlfriend and her son, meeting us all at party time. So the three of us piled in the car and were on our way.
We talked about TV, politics and Christmas plans. Chattering and laughing the miles away. We arrived around 11:30 and were greeted with more smiles and hugs. After a quick lunch we packed up the cars and headed to where the birthday girl picked for her party. Bowling!
Shortly after arriving, Brother showed up with his crew in tow and the party was underway. We had two lanes. One with bumpers and a ramp for the little ones to bowl and the other set up normal. We did the normal party thing. Cake, presents and bowled two games. Then we all headed out to eat. 14 of us total. Had a good meal and even more fun. Then we kissed and hugged the little ones goodbye, along with brother and his girlfriend. Mom, dad and I headed back to sister's house.
Sunday we got up and had donuts. Then mom, sister and I made some earrings for a lady mom works with. One of my sister's girls suggested we go bowling again. After a short pause of silence, we all smiled and said "Okay!" Hehehhe so 6 of us headed out and went to bowl two more games.
We laughed and talked smack. Mom kept saying "It's on now!" Not one of us bowled over 85 points, but it didn't matter. It was fun, and it was with family.
We've decided it needs to be a more regular thing. I think we're going to plan another bowling trip in a few weeks. :D
I got up early Saturday morning to drive to my parent's house. I came in to find three of my brother's little girls quietly playing in Dad's computer room. Messy haired, puffy eyed and cute as can be. They bolted to me with angelic smiles on their faces to squeeze my legs in their tiny hugs.
Mom, Dad and I were headed out to sister's first, in their car. Brother was going to bring out the little ones, with his girlfriend and her son, meeting us all at party time. So the three of us piled in the car and were on our way.
We talked about TV, politics and Christmas plans. Chattering and laughing the miles away. We arrived around 11:30 and were greeted with more smiles and hugs. After a quick lunch we packed up the cars and headed to where the birthday girl picked for her party. Bowling!
Shortly after arriving, Brother showed up with his crew in tow and the party was underway. We had two lanes. One with bumpers and a ramp for the little ones to bowl and the other set up normal. We did the normal party thing. Cake, presents and bowled two games. Then we all headed out to eat. 14 of us total. Had a good meal and even more fun. Then we kissed and hugged the little ones goodbye, along with brother and his girlfriend. Mom, dad and I headed back to sister's house.
Sunday we got up and had donuts. Then mom, sister and I made some earrings for a lady mom works with. One of my sister's girls suggested we go bowling again. After a short pause of silence, we all smiled and said "Okay!" Hehehhe so 6 of us headed out and went to bowl two more games.
We laughed and talked smack. Mom kept saying "It's on now!" Not one of us bowled over 85 points, but it didn't matter. It was fun, and it was with family.
We've decided it needs to be a more regular thing. I think we're going to plan another bowling trip in a few weeks. :D
Friday, October 22, 2004
Dance!
I won't be in town this weekend, so I went to my makeup bellydance class last night. See, there are 3 beginner classes during the week and the Saturday class is the last of the 3. So if I want to learn that week's lesson, I have to go on a night before I'd normally go. ;) Essentially, making up a class before it even happens.
Anyway, Thursdays are quite different than Saturday mornings. The warm up music was more up beat and I found that I was more limber than usual. I figure it due to the fact that I've been up all day and have moved around a lot, but regardless, it was nice to be able to grab the bottom of my feet!
We're learning a full routine and got through the last few steps last night. It was so fun! It's a great dance. We've still got to polish, of course, and learn a few more arm movements, but the meat of it is there. The teacher also gave us a written hand out of the steps. Now I can practice at home and have my sheet there incase I forget any steps.
I'm looking forward to polishing this fun dance and performing it at our "graduation" in a couple of months.
Anyway, Thursdays are quite different than Saturday mornings. The warm up music was more up beat and I found that I was more limber than usual. I figure it due to the fact that I've been up all day and have moved around a lot, but regardless, it was nice to be able to grab the bottom of my feet!
We're learning a full routine and got through the last few steps last night. It was so fun! It's a great dance. We've still got to polish, of course, and learn a few more arm movements, but the meat of it is there. The teacher also gave us a written hand out of the steps. Now I can practice at home and have my sheet there incase I forget any steps.
I'm looking forward to polishing this fun dance and performing it at our "graduation" in a couple of months.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
A Few Things
Thing One
I was introduced to blogging only a few days ago, and since then I feel I've been sucked into this world I didn't know existed. I spent almost a hour this morning clicking "Next Blog" at the top of the screen. I find it extremely fascinating that I'm able to browse through endless blips of other people's lives. Most I just click on by due to them being in other languages. Some are from younger posters who have a whole new internet language I prefer not to read. The ones I find most interesting are like mine. Random everyday thoughts and doings.
Thing Two
Weight. I'm obsessed. I'm not nearly as obsessed with my current weight as I used to be. I've come to terms with it as much as I can. I got new clothes that fit well and look good. My obsession now is fear of getting larger. I constantly think about what I eat and why I'm not trying harder. Why I don't take more time to exercise. I don't have answers. I bellydance once a week, which feels great. I took that step. I need to take another. I've been telling myself that for years. Maybe someday, I'll listen to myself.
Thing Three
The apartment is coming together slowly but surely. I came home to find the "entertainment center" put together. (Thank you honey) The front bathroom needs MUCH work. After this weekend I'm going to put all of my efforts into getting it finished. It needs wallpaper and paint and a good cleaning! My uncle is visiting mid Nov. and I'd like it to be done by then. It sure was easy tearing down that old terrible wallpaper....
I was introduced to blogging only a few days ago, and since then I feel I've been sucked into this world I didn't know existed. I spent almost a hour this morning clicking "Next Blog" at the top of the screen. I find it extremely fascinating that I'm able to browse through endless blips of other people's lives. Most I just click on by due to them being in other languages. Some are from younger posters who have a whole new internet language I prefer not to read. The ones I find most interesting are like mine. Random everyday thoughts and doings.
Thing Two
Weight. I'm obsessed. I'm not nearly as obsessed with my current weight as I used to be. I've come to terms with it as much as I can. I got new clothes that fit well and look good. My obsession now is fear of getting larger. I constantly think about what I eat and why I'm not trying harder. Why I don't take more time to exercise. I don't have answers. I bellydance once a week, which feels great. I took that step. I need to take another. I've been telling myself that for years. Maybe someday, I'll listen to myself.
Thing Three
The apartment is coming together slowly but surely. I came home to find the "entertainment center" put together. (Thank you honey) The front bathroom needs MUCH work. After this weekend I'm going to put all of my efforts into getting it finished. It needs wallpaper and paint and a good cleaning! My uncle is visiting mid Nov. and I'd like it to be done by then. It sure was easy tearing down that old terrible wallpaper....
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Sunlight to the bottom of The Pit
I was dying.
My soul was tapped and I could give no more. When I woke every morning, I woke to a new day full of struggles, fights and stress. I woke to be an alarm clock, a maid, a cook, a mother, a whore. I was everything but Me. He used me and gave nothing in return. I had become nothing but a shell. But even a shell is cherished by someone. It's beauty, the sound of the ocean inside. I wasn't.
When you are in a situation like that, you never see it as bad as it really is. Looking back I see how incredibly impossible it was. There is a reason I'm able to look back on it however.
One day, from the bottom of The Pit, I caught a glimpse of sunlight. I looked up, covering my eyes from the bright rays and saw the shadow of a face smiling down at me. I was weak and dirty, tired and sore, lying at the bottom, and yet this face smiled at me as though I was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. He came to visit me often. Telling me stories and tales of the wonderful things that were up where he was. He told me I was wonderful and beautiful. I scoffed at him, thinking how in the world could that be possible? But he was persistent.
Soon I found the strength to stand. I straightened my clothes and dusted my self off the best I could. Although still in The Pit, I welcomed the day, excited to see his face and hear his voice, his encouragement. I became stronger every day. Strength enough to really begin to despise The Pit. To realize where I was and how badly I wanted out. I fought to climb, gouging my fingernails into the dirt walls. Grabbing roots, using ever bit of strength I had to pull my self to the top.
As I neared the top, his smiling face beamed with delight and his big strong hand came down to me and grasped my wrist. He held me strong and gave me leverage to pull myself out completely.
I ran from The Pit, never to return. But I keep the stinking scent of that rotten dirt in my mind so that I will not ever forget the lesson I learned.
You were my saving grace, Tony. My sunshine.
Thank you.
My soul was tapped and I could give no more. When I woke every morning, I woke to a new day full of struggles, fights and stress. I woke to be an alarm clock, a maid, a cook, a mother, a whore. I was everything but Me. He used me and gave nothing in return. I had become nothing but a shell. But even a shell is cherished by someone. It's beauty, the sound of the ocean inside. I wasn't.
When you are in a situation like that, you never see it as bad as it really is. Looking back I see how incredibly impossible it was. There is a reason I'm able to look back on it however.
One day, from the bottom of The Pit, I caught a glimpse of sunlight. I looked up, covering my eyes from the bright rays and saw the shadow of a face smiling down at me. I was weak and dirty, tired and sore, lying at the bottom, and yet this face smiled at me as though I was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. He came to visit me often. Telling me stories and tales of the wonderful things that were up where he was. He told me I was wonderful and beautiful. I scoffed at him, thinking how in the world could that be possible? But he was persistent.
Soon I found the strength to stand. I straightened my clothes and dusted my self off the best I could. Although still in The Pit, I welcomed the day, excited to see his face and hear his voice, his encouragement. I became stronger every day. Strength enough to really begin to despise The Pit. To realize where I was and how badly I wanted out. I fought to climb, gouging my fingernails into the dirt walls. Grabbing roots, using ever bit of strength I had to pull my self to the top.
As I neared the top, his smiling face beamed with delight and his big strong hand came down to me and grasped my wrist. He held me strong and gave me leverage to pull myself out completely.
I ran from The Pit, never to return. But I keep the stinking scent of that rotten dirt in my mind so that I will not ever forget the lesson I learned.
You were my saving grace, Tony. My sunshine.
Thank you.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Home Improvements
I spent some time today working on home improvements.
I ran out to the local Container Store and bought a shelving unit to house our entertainment center. If you'd call it that. I wouldn't. It's no more than a TV, DVD player and stereo.
I also ran by Home Depot and picked up a light fixture to go over the kitchen sink. It's a hanging light that's beautiful bright yellow blown glass with an artistic swirl coming off the bottom. An upside down ice cream look, if you will. The cord is quite long and I need to tack it up and out of the way to finish and attach the fixture.
I got the shelving unit put together as well, but will need to get a longer cable to move the TV to it. (the cable jack is on a different wall) Also while at the Container Store, I picked up a spice rack and will spend some time this evening transferring spices from the containers they came in.
Progress!
I ran out to the local Container Store and bought a shelving unit to house our entertainment center. If you'd call it that. I wouldn't. It's no more than a TV, DVD player and stereo.
I also ran by Home Depot and picked up a light fixture to go over the kitchen sink. It's a hanging light that's beautiful bright yellow blown glass with an artistic swirl coming off the bottom. An upside down ice cream look, if you will. The cord is quite long and I need to tack it up and out of the way to finish and attach the fixture.
I got the shelving unit put together as well, but will need to get a longer cable to move the TV to it. (the cable jack is on a different wall) Also while at the Container Store, I picked up a spice rack and will spend some time this evening transferring spices from the containers they came in.
Progress!
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